Ephraim Hardcastle
WILLIAM and Kate’s historic official visit to Dublin next month is fraught with diplomatic elephant traps. Sinn Fein leader Mary Lou McDonald – in the wake of her election triumph – could be greeting the royals as part of a new coalition government. Will Kate and William shake hands with a party leader recognised as head of the political wing of the IRA? McDonald may let them off the hook, replicating her 2011 snub for the Queen. When HM visited Croke Park in Mary Lou’s constituency she refused to meet her.
BANISHED chancellor Sajid Javid, keen to highlight a matey rapport with Boris, reveals that during the election campaign the PM, walking Dilyn the dog, would regularly spot his early morning labour at his No 11 desk. ‘The PM,’ he remembers, ‘would come to the window, shouting “Oi! Saj! Come on down. Let’s have a chat!”.’ Javid would dutifully oblige. Where did it all go wrong?
LAUDED for stepping in at the last moment to deliver last week’s Scottish Budget, effervescent SNP Public Finance Minister Kate Forbes thrilled followers with an impertinent tweet in the wake of Mr Javid’s resignation yesterday. ‘Need a hand with the Budget?’ she wrote in response to the news, adding that she was ‘happy to help’. Principled Sajid quit after being told by No10 to sack his team. Miss Forbes’s career was given a leg-up by the resignation of Derek Mackay, who was caught telling a schoolboy he was ‘cute’ on social media.
SANDRA Bullock, pictured, once dubbed America’s Sweetheart with such movies as Love Potion No9, offers timely, if not exactly romantic thoughts, on Valentine’s Day: ‘I like what a man comes equipped with. But they should know that a woman is like an oven. She needs five to 15 minutes to heat up.’ Stopwatches out.
LEFTIE TV historian Sir Simon Schama tweets ‘Happy 210th birthday President Lincoln!’ before adding the great man would be aghast at Trump’s ‘assault on the integrity and independence of justice’. Told he was a year out – Lincoln was born 211 years ago this week in 1809 – red-faced Schama tweets: ‘Oops – never trust a historian with dates.’ D’oh!
RIDICULED for her ‘ethically harvested gold and sustainable diamonds’ at the Oscars, Jane Fonda reflects on her 2001 split from media mogul Ted Turner. ‘I did not want to die without becoming whole. I thought “Oh my God, I think I’m going to have to leave”... but I thought the most important thing is I don’t want to have regrets. If I stay with him, I won’t be able to become who I can be.’ Surprised Turner didn’t lose the will to live with that mumbo-jumbo!’
REFLECTING on the hazards of reshuffle day, David Cameron’s ex-spin doctor Sir Craig Oliver recalls Tony Blair creating a new department called ‘Productivity, Energy, Industry and Science’ – PENIS for short – telling Radio 4: ‘Blair later conceded it was a dreadful name and dropped the idea.’