There are no bald patches in SussexRoyalLand

WELCOME to the Magical World of SussexRoyal Instagram, which is like disneyland, only with less gritty realism. If I need a little fantabulous make-believe in life, it’s always my first stop on a grey winter morning. So come with me now through the golden prism of Harry and Meghan’s own social media PR machine. This is their main conduit for communicating good deeds to the outside world, primarily their own.

These days they are accompanied by their own film crew and photographers so only the most burnished and flattering images are sent out to their fans. In SussexRoyalland Harry’s bald patch is as elusive as the unicorn — it is simply never seen!

Meanwhile, every filmed vignette finds adoring crowds hanging on Meghan’s every word and laughing uproariously at her jokes. Honestly, it is the Pravda of the internet age, only with a little more polish.

This Insta account is followed by 11.3million people, who surely must have noticed that nothing bad ever happens in this virtual, happy-ever-after reverie. There is no mention of hoax phone calls, royal rifts, sister-in-law Kate’s thunderous face at Westminster Abbey, private jet travel or secret lives of luxury. In this land of makebelieve, the Sussexes are forces for inclusivity and change, just like they told the fake Greta Thunberg. What rot!

PS THOSE pranksters are so naughty, but the Queen and Princess diana have also been caught out, too. Prince Harry survived his prank call almost unscathed. He clearly sees himself as a misunderstood maverick, but isn’t really very bright.

To give them his mobile number along with his email address and to not be suspicious when they talked about the island of Chunga Changa? What a sillybilly. ‘I know a man in the North Pole,’ he claimed. don’t we all, Harry! He is called Father Christmas.