Ephraim Hardcastle
NEARLY two decades after the Queen Mother’s death, she is at the centre of a literary ding-dong involving her biographers Willie Shawcross and Hugo Vickers and society chronicler Kenneth Rose. Hugo remains furious that Rose, in his recently published posthumous diaries, claims Vickers was ‘disappointed and bitter’ at Willie’s appointment as QM’s official biographer instead of him, quoting him saying: ‘My book was braver and funnier. There is not a drop of humour in Willie’s book.’ Vickers feels betrayed, saying he trusted him as a friend only to find himself ‘stitched up’.
CELEBRATING the 30th birthday of The Simpsons, writer Al Jean says the show has Harry and Meghan in its sights, telling Radio Times: ‘I hear she [Meghan] wants to do voiceover work. So if they’re reading this, give us a call.’
WITH coronavirus rendering the Changing the Guard ceremony mute – no band music, to discourage tourists – don’t assume June’s Trooping the Colour has been cancelled. Emails have just gone out to those successful in the ballot for tickets, requesting payment of £40 each.
JEMIMA Goldsmith, pictured, is frustrated by technology as she attempts to link up with her mother Lady Annabel. She tweets: ‘I attempted a family Zoom session with my mum and the grandchildren and I think I’d prefer to have the virus than ever have to attempt that again.’ Poor taste, surely?
BORIS Johnson’s dad Stanley, asked on Swedish TV how many grandchildren he has, perpetuates the mystery of the exact number of the PM’s offspring, answering: ‘Well, there are babies on the way, you know. There are babies on the way.’
MERLIN Holland reveals that his dad Vyvyan collected tinned sardines, believing that, like vintage Sauternes, the olive oil had good years and bad, explaining: ‘He gave me his last tin of 1943 Rodel in 1966 and I can assure you he was right.’ What would grandad Oscar Wilde make of such nonsense?
SECOND World War warbler Dame Vera Lynn urges us to keep smiling through the current crisis, reminding fans of her appearance on the Morecambe and Wise 1972 Christmas show, when she feigned not wanting to sing. Ernie asks: ‘How can we get her to sing?’ Eric replies: ‘Short of starting another war, I’ve no idea…’
AT her marriage to Peter Sellers, Miranda Quarry, aka the Countess of Stockton, who has died, had her pet dogs act as bridesmaids before they went to live in an Irish castle. Sellers, who believed green was an unlucky colour, became depressed with the lush green of the Irish countryside. In a rage, he threw one of Miranda’s beloved pooches out of a window. The marriage didn’t last.
CELEBRATING his 85th birthday last night, The Oldie’s Barry Cryer attributes his longevity to cigarettes and lager, adding: ‘I don’t know how long I’ve got left. I don’t even buy green bananas.’