Surely he can spare 10 mins for his kids
DOM SAYS:
We all know that this is a very difficult time, but I’m not liking what I’m hearing. I understand the issues with family finances and how, with only one salary, your husband will feel he needs to work long hours to earn enough to support you all.
But we all know that lawyers are well-paid and I’d have thought that, if your husband has been working in his field for a good number of years, he should be doing well enough that these long hours are no longer necessary.
I have several friends who are lawyers, and some are busier than others at the moment. In certain sectors things are starting to pick up again, while in others business has been waning. But whichever camp your husband falls into, I see little reason why he shouldn’t at least eat with you all. I’m concerned that he’s hiding from something.
Maybe it’s a work problem — perhaps he’s not remotely busy and is frantically worrying about keeping it all going. Or could it be that he’s concerned about being seen to be busy by his boss? Or perhaps work isn’t the issue, and he’s simply hiding from you and the children, or just the children.
You don’t say much about his demeanour, so it’s hard for me to tell if he might be depressed, but if you think that’s a possibility, then don’t hesitate to make a phone appointment with his GP.
It is worrying that he is so withdrawn from his children. after all, even if he really is madly busy, he can surely find ten minutes to read with one of them each night. He has 24 hours in his day, and is no longer commuting. at the very least he should be able to give the time he used to spend on the train or in the car to his family.
a serious conversation has to happen. I suggest you sit down in his study with him and ask him ‘What is going on?’
I have a strong suspicion he is struggling with being a husband and a father. Just like being a mother, being a father is not always easy. He may not have had a good example from his own — I find we tend to be the kind of father our father was to us.
But even if he was lucky enough to have a wonderful role model in his old man, we all need a little help from time to time. He needs to share what is going on in his head and his heart. Please help him find his way back to the family that he surely loves.
WATCH steph & Dom’s Couples Therapy — their brilliant new video series — tomorrow on mailplus.co.uk/ stephanddom