Remember, it won’t always be like this

FIrST, I’d like to say a huge thank you for writing in. I’m so grateful you’re shining a light on something that’s happening to so many people but that many are still wary of discussing. Being open about your fears like this and having the courage to share them is going to bring comfort to people everywhere.

You and your husband must be devastated, fearful of the future and feeling desperately insecure. You’re both dealing with the nightmare of his job loss, while trying to quell the fears about your own. I’m not about to tell you to stop worrying. I get it — few people have guaranteed jobs at the moment. (The only ones I can think of are divorce lawyers and wine shop merchants!)

It’s completely normal to feel scared. In fact it’s perfectly rational and sane.

So how can you start to feel better, and help your husband? I think you both need to draw strength from your family. Your children are old enough to understand what is going on and they too may be worried. You’re all in it together. I would find a time to sit down and have an open discussion — and a very honest one. explain to them the exact nature of your situation — and that you’re going to tackle it together. I imagine your husband feels it is his responsibility to fix this, but he simply can’t.

You’re watching him slide into depression and you must throw him a rope. There’s nothing worse than false bravado in the family home. It’s not the 1950s any more and your children are part of this too, however much you want to protect them. Being honest should take a bit of the pressure off your husband and your relationship, and your children will be relieved to have you explain it all.

The other practical thing you can do is to encourage him to down tools for a while. You’re on furlough and him staring at job ads is just going to make him feel worse. Don’t do that day in and day out.

Please try to remember that none of this is his fault. remind him, and yourself, of that. he has not lost his job because of his performance. It’s because of a global pandemic. Just saying that aloud should help.

And as for planning — well, there are rainy days, and then, there are global catastrophes. Give yourselves a break. You really couldn’t have seen this coming — neither of you could.

And remember, it’s not always going to be like this. Life is going to be different after coronavirus. This way you will have a family team that is unbreakable, honest, respectful — a team that shares highs and lows together.