Lockdown lessons in coping with life
IN MY family and among my friends, I’m known as the joker, the silly one, the loud one, always up for a laugh, a people pleaser. But over the past few years, I haven’t felt like a fun person. Anxiety has consumed me, along with self-doubt, constant worry, paranoia and a lack of confidence in who I am and who I want to be. It makes me sad that this is the person I’ve become. During the lockdown, I’ve found myself analysing situations even more. Once this is over, what will life be like? Will I have changed? Will everyone who was in my life before lockdown still be there or will our relationships have altered? I check social media to see how others are dealing with the situation. I’ve noticed some only post about the positives, while others seem to see only the negatives. A few have the balance just right, while some, like me, remain quiet and barely post at all. Life in lockdown for everyone has its ups and downs. There are six of us — including our little dog Harley — in our household and in the main we have managed well. We’ve stuck to the rules religiously and considering the amount of time we spend together, we have got on well, despite a few bust-ups! I feel for those who have had to isolate alone and it’s not lost on me how lucky I am to be going through this experience with my family. However, at times I’ve felt alone, that I’m not good enough and should be doing something exceptional, as I see others doing, but I find it hard to know what that should or could be. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m just me doing the best I can. What I’m trying to say is that if you are feeling this way as well, then it’s OK not to be OK at times. It’s OK to cry for no reason, to feel sad or angry when someone makes a hurtful comment. It’s OK to feel a bit lost and wonder if you are doing right by everyone. And even if you aren’t able to keep everyone happy, that’s OK, too. Sometimes it’s about self-preservation. Life is tough for everyone as we are all experiencing a pandemic for the first and, hopefully, only time. I am lucky that I’m able to work from home and my husband Ben is a keyworker for the police. Some families are in dire straits so, again, I feel selfish for feeling the way I do. We are all in good health, so again, I’m thankful for this. My 12-year-old Evie is dutifully doing her school work online and my son Josh and his girlfriend Izzy, who are in their second year at Cardiff University, are submitting work and preparing for online exams. I am not looking for sympathy or for affirmation that I’m doing OK, but want to reassure others that whatever people’s lives look like on the outside, however perfect they seem, everyone is fighting their own battle. We are all comparing ourselves to how other people portray their lives on social media, which is often a totally different story to the reality. My new mantra is to keep smiling, to do the best I can, not compare myself or my family to others and not be afraid to ask for help. Oh, and to reduce the amount of time I spend on social media!
JOANNA LEE, Wareham, Dorset.