I questioned what I was going to do with the rest of my life
Townsend on struggles with mental health
SCOTLAND head coach Gregor Townsend has urged players with mental-health issues to speak out about their problems after opening up for the first time about his own struggles in the past.
And he has revealed that things got so bad when he was working as assistant for the national side that he seriously considered quitting the game altogether.
Now Townsend wants rugby to ‘take a weight off the shoulders’ of those who are reluctant to discuss their anxieties by making it easier for players to come forward and seek help.
The 47-year-old was one of the greatest players of his generation during an illustrious career which included winning the 1999 Five Nations title with Scotland and playing a vital role in the British & Irish Lions side who triumphed in South Africa in 1997, but even he was not immune from mental-health problems.
In a wide-ranging interview he describes how, when there was still a stigma about speaking out on the subject, the only thing that kept him going through the tough times was hard work and his belief ‘there would be a brighter future’.
His lowest points came when he first started playing in France for Brive at the start of the Millennium and when he was given the job as Scotland backs coach under Andy Robinson in 2009, less than two years after retiring as a player.
‘When I think back to my playing days, of course there were lots of times I was struggling,’ said Townsend. ‘I went to play in France for five years. The first two or three months I was out on my own. My wife was still working in London at the time.
‘The coach who signed me suddenly went from my biggest fan to someone who didn’t like me any more. There was only one other foreigner in the team, who was Argentinian, so I could really not speak to anybody.
‘When I was left out of the squad I felt low and asked: “What am I doing here with my life? This is not enjoyable”.
‘I am not sure the coach in France at the time would be as open to me saying that and would have looked on it as a courageous thing to do. He would probably have seen it as a negative: “Can we trust that player who has mental-health issues and is really struggling with their confidence?”.
‘These moments come a lot when you are coming back from injury, you have been dropped.
‘You doubt yourself. I can only imagine now with social media the level of pressure and negativity that comes with that.
‘Back then, we just had the supporters and the newspaper at the end of the week that gave you a hard time.
‘Now there is an opportunity for so many to give you a hard time that it will be tougher for the players today.’
Townsend’s anxieties rose to the surface again after he moved into coaching. He was offered the assistant role with Scotland but was soon doubting if it was the right job for him.
He added: ‘For those two or three years I didn’t enjoy it: “This isn’t for me”. I was struggling and I had real questions about what to do with the rest of my life as I was not enjoying this coaching.
‘While it was not an extreme case, it is certainly something that was taking up a lot of my mind and was changing me as a person.
‘Fortunately, I got a great opportunity to coach at Glasgow Warriors and be the head coach there — and I really enjoyed it and I love coaching now.’
Townsend praised England World Cup winner Jonny Wilkinson and former Scotland centre Graeme Morrison for talking publicly about how they suffered during their playing careers.
‘He (Wilkinson) used to talk about not wanting to leave his hotel room,’ added Townsend.
‘He was regarded as the best player in the world and what you saw in his performances was bravery, accuracy and brilliant play. But inside he was hating it, hating the pressure and everything about it. That’s not unique.
‘Graeme Morrison was a great player to coach. I worked with him at Scotland and Glasgow and he was a terrific player. But for many of those games and seasons he was struggling with issues that he kept to himself or to a couple of players around the squad.
‘It is great that he is now opening up and players can see that it is okay to not be okay. We just need more and more players who are currently playing the game to do that.’
Townsend believes it is vital that players are honest with themselves rather than trying to keep up a front when they could be hurting badly inside.
‘If we don’t continue or get better in addressing it, it can be a big issue,’ he said.
‘Not just rugby but in all aspects of society. I have enjoyed the fact people are talking about their issues more, saying it is okay not to be okay.
‘The more we can get the culture of people speaking about their issues, that helps share their problems. It takes a weight off your shoulders by not keeping it to yourself.
‘Be true to who you are. Don’t try to project an image of who you are because it looks good on social media. If you are struggling, just say you are struggling.
‘That will be a sign of courage and make you a happier person, a better rugby player, but we have to make sure we create environments for that to happen and also have to have the support around players to make them realise (they can) talk about these issues.
‘We have to put more work into it and be better at helping people overcome these struggles.
‘During my time, I stuck with the process of working day in and day out and believing hard work would get me through it and there would be a brighter future.
‘Nowadays I think we could do better but the environment is changing because maybe in the past it would have been perceived as a sign of weakness to say you were struggling, either physically or mentally.
‘We want to encourage people to open up. They might not want to come and speak to a head coach. It might be a team-mate.
‘There is always the mechanism for them to speak to someone who is an expert in that area, a psychologist.
‘We have to look and find out if players are struggling. A lot of people who do struggle try to hide it from others.’
lGregor Townsend was speaking to The Lockdown Tactics podcast hosted by former Scotland footballers Robert Snodgrass and Kris Boyd. To watch the full interview, go to YouTube and the various Lockdown Tactics social media platforms.