Ephraim Hardcastle
tHE Queen’s Windsor isolation has led to an enforced spell out of the saddle. Initially during lockdown her Fell Pony was brought into the castle quadrangle, away from public view, with saddle and reins sanitised beforehand so that she could undertake some solitary laps. But it was a short-lived experiment. Without groom terry Pendry and the ability to roam where she wants in Home Park, the Queen has declared the royal equivalent of ‘weighed in’.
WHILE Buckingham Palace describes the broadcasting of the Queen’s conversation on International Nursing Day as a first, there’s no mention of the telephone conversation with a Canadian DJ in 1995 after he got through security pretending to be then-PM Jean Chretien. They had a long chat about Canadian politics, in French, which was subsequently broadcast. Fluent in the lingo and up to date on Ottawa politics, HM emerged unscathed.
RoBERt Harris credits Health secretary matt Hancock with the idea – before the pandemic – for his apocalyptic novel the second sleep, explaining: ‘matt observed glumly that the average home used to have eight days’ supply of food in it and now it’s only two. His words reminded me of the old dictum that we are only ever six missed meals from revolution.’
SHARING lockdown with John Cleese in a five-star Los Angeles hotel, daughter Camilla, pictured, complains that the ex-Python utters loud comic howls when he expects service from staff, adding: ‘I was just trying to figure out what you were trying to accomplish by impersonating a dying wolf in a fivestar restaurant.’
ADElE’s radical weight loss threatens the lucrative career of well-nourished tribute artist Jax Hall, who wonders: ‘Will people want a slim Adele?’ And what was her reaction when she saw photographs of the newly svelte star? ‘I definitely put the doughnut down,’ she says.
DEFENCE minister Johnny Mercer admits answering Commons defence questions by video link in his boxer shorts. After he posted a photograph on Twitter, a female admirer swooned: ‘Wow, those thighs!’ tHERE is renewed speculation that Prince Charles might choose to reign as George VII out of deference to his grandfather. George VI chose not to reign as Albert, his given name, to preserve continuity with his father after the abdication crisis. But might there be another reason for not reigning as Charles III? When Charles II took Nell Gwynne as his mistress she had already been the paramour of actor Charles Hart and lord (Charles) Buckhurst. she called her new lover Charles the third.
SELF-adoring warbler Jess Conrad, kicking his heels in lockdown, consoles himself by looking in the mirror. ‘I can still do it without being disappointed,’ he observes immodestly.