HUGS? NO, HE LIKED TO TAKE YOUR HAND

NIGEL’S world is mediated by his mouth. It’s as though things can only be made real by holding them — and the only way he can do that is to use his mouth.

If he really loves you, then he has to get hold of you — preferably your hand — and cling to it for far longer than feels comfortable or natural.

His teeth, biting rather too hard, have to be prised open so that normal service can be resumed.

Often, he will fall fast asleep with a ball or scrap of paper in his mouth, as though the default position is to clutch something — anything.

If he is at all scared or anxious, the hand-biting is repeated, and this time there has to be a lot of stroking and back-rubbing, along with suitably comforting noises, before he’ll let go voluntarily.

When he’s particularly pleased to see you, he’ll often hold your hand firmly in his mouth. Trying not to hurt his all too evident feelings, you find yourself fervently wishing he would stop.

It’s the equivalent of man-hugs that have to be completed with slightly over-enthusiastic vigour, despite both parties being struck by embarrassment halfway through.

This greeting can be conferred on anyone Nigel has recently fallen in love with, which is as likely to be a complete stranger or a fresh member of the BBC crew as a member of the family he has known all his life.

There’s another variation which involves a frantic hunt for the one suitable object to pick up and bring to you.

Until it is found, there can be hardly any display of recognition, let alone greeting.

What this offering may be is often baffling. Nigel will visit waste-paper baskets, his bed, underneath hedges and shrubs, growing increasingly busy and seemingly distracted from your presence, until he finds what he considers the ideal gift — which usually ends up being a scrunched-up envelope or the current favoured yellow tennis ball.

Then, and only then, can he properly come and say hello — groaning, wriggling and trying to bite your hand all at the same time, and all with the ball or piece of paper lodged firmly in his mouth.