When I am so alone, how can I cope with grief?

DEAR BEL,

ANN’S letter ‘The virus took my love: how can I say goodbye?’ (April 18) struck a chord with me.

I’m a 68-year-old grandmother of three who has been desperately missing holding my family close during lockdown. I live alone, as my husband died last year after a long illness. I mourned the man he was before the illness, the man I had 43 happy years with, and not the man who was in pain and hated having to be so dependent on me at the end. I wouldn’t say I have a

S o mANY people are feeling as you do. In normal life, thoughts and feelings can be shared with close family and a hug works wonders.

But to be honest, I don’t think you have to protect your children from knowing how you feel. why not tell them? They might welcome the chance to talk about Dad.

But yes, you are physically alone, so online and telephone help are vital. The impact of coronavirus has led to many people dying before their time, making their loved ones’ grief that much harder to bear.

To date, an estimated 450,000 people are grieving since lockdown began (calculated according to a model that states that on average each death leaves five people bereaved). Because of isolation, faith, but I took comfort that he went to a better place. Now my world has shrunk, and every day feels like a chore to get through with no thoughts but my own to occupy my time, I feel more overwhelmed than ever.

I keep dreaming he’s with me, but when I wake in the middle of the night and he’s not beside me it washes over me anew. I don’t want to talk to my children in case it reawakens their grief. How can I get through this on my own?

MAUREEN many people may find it harder to process grief and work it through. And, as you know, it comes back ... and back. In the past, I’ve mentioned Cruse

(cruse.org.uk; helpline 0808 808 1677) and admire their work. I’d also like to flag up marie Curie’s Support line team, on 0800 090 2309.

It can be such a help to pour out your feelings to an experienced stranger. And do look at mariecurie.

org.uk/talkabout for a good article about the difficulty of grieving during coronavirus. I think you’ll find it helpful. At the moment, marie Curie is organising a petition — a national day to reflect, grieve and remember everyone who has died during this time.

Grief can be such a lonely thing, so until you can see your family again, do reach out to those warm, friendly voices waiting to help you not to be ‘overwhelmed’.