She needs to give your husband space

DOM SAYS:

Oh nO, what a tricky situation you’re in. I sympathise greatly.

I’ll start by saying that, while I had the same affection for my mother-in-law as I do for my own mum, I have always rather liked the saying that guests are like fish — they go off after three days. And I’m afraid that holds true whoever your guests are, including family.

Your husband was incredibly brave and generous in agreeing to host your mother for, well, who knows how long?

Certainly, when we went into this, none of us knew how long households would be pent up together. So I’d like to ask you: what if the boot were on the other foot? Would you have been keen to have your mother-in-law stay indefinitely?

You could, of course, choose to let your mother know that she has overstayed her welcome and that, as soon as it is safe, she must return to her own home. The problem with that, though, is that we are all living through a prolonged period of uncertainty.

how will you feel if she returns home and then catches the virus? It wouldn’t be your fault, but you may well feel dreadful, as will your husband.

I think the thing to do is to be honest — we are all getting on each other’s nerves! This has gone on for so long. There surely isn’t a household in Britain that hasn’t felt a little fractious at some point! And I’m sure the fact they are winding each other up is, in turn, winding you up.

But, we have come so far, and now is not the time to give up. To change course would be foolhardy. So, you need practical solutions to keep going.

Can your husband work in another room? If he can, great, go ahead; but if not, draw up a rota for the kitchen — and his job takes absolute priority.

I think you need to have some fairly harsh words with Mum. She needs to give him peace to work. She absolutely cannot be clattering about in the background when he’s on a call.

Then, redouble your efforts to help them get along. You will have to play peacemaker for a while longer, I’m afraid.

You must keep going. The situation is improving and there is light at the end of the tunnel. This ordeal will pass.

I compliment you both on doing the right thing — but it’s perfectly understandable that it is causing family tension, too.

So, my final tip: maybe see if you can spend more time on long walks with your mum — just the two of you — followed by a few afternoon naps here and there.

A quiet kitchen may make for a far happier household.