Little critter that grew me a third nipple

OH! THE glory of our ancient woodland! And, oh, the hidden danger lurking there too!

I spent a wonderful weekend walking through a Hampshire forest, struck by the vitality of the young leaves and the sheer beauty of the sunlight breaking through the canopy.

Maybe I should have spent less time looking up and more looking down.

The day after I got back, I saw a curious little growth below my chest — a bit like a small, dark red third nipple. It was the work of a tick.

I thought I knew about ticks. Nasty little creatures who might give you Lyme Disease if you let them have your blood for lunch.

I spotted a big one on my mother’s shoulder when she stayed with me in Washington years ago. A friend warned me not to pull it off because the nasty bit would be left behind. She told me to stick a smouldering cigarette on its bum. I did and it fell off.

English ticks are much smaller, which is why I didn’t spot mine until I was alerted by my partner, who’d also been attacked but sensibly pulled hers out.

I await the results of the blood test recommended by my doctor, so if you don’t see me on this page next week, you’ll know why.