Do YOU know your coupon from your clishmaclaver?

As a fascinating new book gathers 1,000 uniquely Scottish words...

SOME are among the most familiar words in our lexicon – everyday terms such as ‘wee’, ‘och’ and ‘lassie’ which act as unconscious indicators of our country of origin.

Others are delightfully obscure. Who knew a corp criadh was a kind of Gaelic voodoo doll? A few are Scotticisms – English words with unique meanings north of the Border. Only in Scotland does ‘getting the messages’ have anything to do with shopping.

But all 1,000 terms in a new dictionary of Scottish words are, as the volume’s title suggests, treasures of the nation’s vernacular.

Cauld Blasts and Clishmaclavers: A Treasury of 1,000 Scottish Words is, for author Robin A Crawford, ‘a celebration of the irreplaceable magic of the Scots language, and the wit and wisdom of Scottish words’.

It is also, perhaps, a reflection of Scots themselves: a canny lot who do not suffer

bawheids gladly, are suspicious of sleekit types, have a healthy disdain for impertinent questions – mibees aye, mibees naw – and an inexhaustible supply of words for incoherence through drink (bleezin’, blootered, dunted, fleein’, fou, guttered…) Here, then, in the spirit of gaun yersel approval, the Mail presents an A to Z of the book’s finest examples of Scotspeak.

A – aff 1.

OFF, as in the apocryphal Glasgow tram conductor’s interdiction ‘C’moan get aff!’ (‘Please alight from this public transportation vehicle promptly’); 2. From, as in ‘cadge a fag aff yir grannie’ (‘Borrow a cigarette or cigarillo from one’s grandmother’).

B – black-affrontit

SEvEREly embarrassed or ashamed: ‘He walked down the aisle o’ the kirk wi’ the back o’ his kilt tucked intae the belt o’ his sporran – the bride wis black-affrontit.’

C – coupon

FACE. eg ‘Big Durkin fae the Toonheid gave me this 12-stitcher but you should’ve seen his coupon – butcher’s windae stuff...’ Jeff Torrington, Swing Hammer Swing!, 1992.

D – dough school

A COllEGE of domestic science: ‘Ma grannie learned to cook singit [singed] sheep’sheid and haggis at the dough school.’

E – eeksie-peeksie

WEll-MATCHED or balanced, even stevens, six and two threes.

F – fantoosh

(FRENCH, fantoche, ‘puppet’) flamboyantly or exuberantly attired, pretentious; many examples to be found in Edinburgh during the Festival. Fanny Toosh is a satirical name for a woman who is considered above herself.

G – ginger

[JIN-JER or ging-er] 1. A semiinsulting name for a red-haired person (usually denoting Celtic origin) but some redheads are ‘proud to be a ginger’; 2. [jin-jer] A carbonated sugary drink: ‘Goannie get us a boatle o’ ginger frae the chippy?’ [‘When at the fish bar could you purchase some lemonade on my behalf?’]

H – hairy bummer

WIlD bee (Bombus muscorum).

I – ingin

DuNDONIAN for onion. French onion-sellers were known as ‘ingin Johnnies’; after arriving in a ship with a cargo of onions, they would disperse by bicycle and sell their ingins all over Scotland. Such trade has a long tradition, with 17th-century Dundee harbour records listing ‘Barrels of onyoneis’ or ‘ingeounis’ being landed from the Continent. The term is memorably showcased in the delightful Dundee phrase, ‘Twa bridies, ples. A plen an an’ an ingin an an’ a’.’ [A pair of Forfarshire meat pastries, please. A plain one and an onion one as well.]

J – jeely

JAM with a high sugar and low fruit content, placing it at the cheaper end of the market. A jeely piece is a jam sandwich. ‘Kirstie had decoyed him to her room and given him “a jeely-piece”.’ Robert louis Stevenson, Weir of Hermiston, 1896.

K – kettle-biler

A DuNDONIAN husband who bides at home while his wife goes out to work. Female employment in the city’s victorian and early20th-century jute mills was high – women could be paid less than men for doing the same job.

L – Louseland

DEROGATORy 17th century English name for Scotland, the lice in question being known as Scots Greys. Some lodging houses were said to be so infested beds became known as ‘scratchers’.

M – mealy-pudding

SAvOuRy sausage made from oatmeal, offal, suet and other ingredients of the cook’s choice. Sometimes called a white pudding to distinguish it from black pudding, which has blood added.

All of a sudden a great mealy puddin’ came yin’ through the air, It hit fermer Carse like a kick up the a**e and knocked him doon the stairs...Traditional rhyme

N – nippy sweetie

WOMAN or girl who always has a barbed retort or who will make a sharp observation.

O – opporchancity

COMBINATION word invented by comic duo Francie and Josie [Jack Milroy and Rikki Fulton] giving the impression the speaker is the worse for drink.

Talking point: Enjoying a moment for a clishmaclaver (gossip) with a neighbour

P – plook

A PuS-FIllED spot, often prominent on a teenager’s neb. The ‘Plook on the Plinth’ Award is presented each year for the most dismal town in Scotland.

Q – quean/quine

IN the North-East a young, unmarried girl or woman.

R – roaster

MODERN slang for an idiot. A protester’s placard during uS President Trump’s visit to Scotland read, ‘yir maw was an immigrant ya roaster.’

S – scheme

A TWENTIETH-century public housing development where residents of inner-city slum dwellings were rehoused. However, by the end of the century many such estates were being blighted by wider post-industrial social problems. Hotbeds of vibrant Scots words and language. A ‘schemie’ is a derogatory name for someone from a scheme, usually implying lack of education, unemployment and/or alcohol or drug addiction.

T – tourist eagle

BuZZARD (Buteo buteo): common raptor often mistaken for the rare golden eagle by visitors.

U – urnae

AM/ARE not: ‘I say, my trews are absolutely splendid!’ ‘Naw they urnae.’ (No, they are not).

V – visiting cough

A COlD or flu affecting inhabitants of remote St Kilda, brought on by being infected by germs carried by visitors, against which they had no resistance.

W – wee man

lITERAlly, ‘a small person’; 1. used to describe a person of small physical stature; 2. used as a greeting; 3. God; 4. The devil. That it can mean both God and the devil is very Scottish. X

– THERE are no entries beginning with X but it is a key letter in Scotspeak. Without it there would be no export beer brewed for the export market) or oxters (armpits) to be up to when we’re inundated.

Y – yer grannie

DISBElIEvING response to a lie. Sir Walter Scott wrote in his Journal in 1826, ‘Dined with the Duke of Wellington... I wish for sheep’s head and whisky toddy against all the French cookery and champagne in the world.’ To which the response should be, ‘yer grannie!’

Z – ZERO entries here too. But spare a thought for the Blue Brazil which features the letter Z. This is the gloriously ironic nickname for Cowdenbeath FC, whose Wikipedia entry reads: ‘The club has never won any of the major honours in Scottish football.’

n Robin A Crawford, Cauld Blasts and Clishmaclavers: A Treasury of 1,000 Scottish Words is published by Elliott & Thompson on 20 August, £9.99 hardback