Fake news or Donald’s ViEWS?

From his ‘beautiful fingers’ to aliens in New York, guess which of these bizarre outbursts the President really did dream up

YOU can never be too greedy.’ ‘I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke.’ ‘Sorry losers and haters, but my IQ is one of the highest and you all know it.’ Donald Trump is famed for his unique, rambling, boastful and sometimes incoherent way of speaking but he is nothing if not quotable.

only this week he made the outrageous claim that Spanish flu ‘probably ended the Second World War’, despite the conflict having started almost two decades later. And yesterday, in a bizarre tirade against low-flow showers, he said: ‘You turn on the shower, if you’re like me, you can’t wash your beautiful hair properly.’

But can you tell what Trump really said from the ‘fake news’ below?

half the quotes were genuinely uttered by the U.S. President, the other half are the creations of quiz fan MARK MASON...

1. SHE does have a very nice figure... If [Ivanka] weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.

2. The Department of Justice, I will be so good on that. It’s one of my things, I’m very into justice, it’s like the J in Donald J. Trump could stand for ‘justice’. It’s not, it’s ‘John’, but it could be.

3. There must be some way to, I don’t know how you’d do this but when you look at the strength in a swan’s neck, surely we can harness that somehow?

4. THE meeting with the Queen was incredible, I think I can say I really got to know her because I sat with her many times. And we had automatic chemistry. You understand that feeling … There are those that say they have never seen the Queen have a better time, a more animated time.

5. MY FINGerS are long and beautiful, as — it has been well documented — are various other parts of my body. 6. The people who work for me know I’m always going to stick by them.

7. VEGAS, baby! You gotta love Vegas. I love seeing the big fights here, even the weigh-ins, watching the weigh-ins when there’s two great fighters in great condition — they remind me, in a way, of me, when I was younger.

8. The kidney has a very special place in the heart.

9. We hAVe to do much, much more on our trade with that great country, Africa.

10. AND I think, really, you know, people should feel sorry for me, really they should. Because all the time, every day, I’m dealing with people and they know they don’t have a great life like I do, they don’t have a beautiful wife and beautiful houses and tremendous success. So when I look in their eyes and I’m seeing their sorrow, in a way I feel like it’s my fault, and that’s a tough thing to bear, it really is.

11. IN LIFe you have to rely on the past, and that’s called history.

12. RIGHT now, in a number of states, the laws allow a baby to be born from his or her mother’s womb in the ninth month. It is wrong, it has to change.

13. I NeVer understood wind. I know windmills very much, I have studied it better than anybody. I know it is very expensive. They are made in China and Germany mostly, very few made here, almost none. But they are manufactured, tremendous — if you are into this — tremendous fumes and gases are spewing into the atmosphere. You know we have a world, right?

14. SEVERAL people have told me I could have been a rock star, and maybe they’re right. I certainly get a reaction from a crowd, somewhat like Mick Jagger, you might say. And I’m taller than him.

15. CoULD aliens be for real? Could they exist? No one can say for sure that they don’t. I’m from New York and believe me, some of the sights you see there, aliens would be no big deal.

16. reMeMBer, new ‘environment-friendly’ lightbulbs can cause cancer. Be careful. The idiots who came up with this stuff don’t care.

17. I LoVe great art. I appreciate great art. I own several Picassos. oK, maybe he didn’t always get the nose or the eyes totally right, but he’s still one of the best of all time and I appreciate that.

18. We’re thinking about building the wall as a solar wall, so it creates energy and pays for itself.

19. IF I have a fault and somebody exposes that fault or talks about that fault, you won’t hear me complain.

20. AMerICA should be so proud of everything we’ve given the world. our food, for example — didn’t we give the world pizza?

21. SPACe. A lotta room out there, right? This is infinity, it could be infinity, we don’t really know but it could be, there’s gotta be something but it could be infinity, right?

22. THE White House is a fabulous house. OK, maybe not so big as some of my other houses but that’s fine, that’s fine.

23. (ASKING his Chief of Staff about badgers): Are they mean to people? or are they friendly creatures?

24. oNe day maybe I can help with other problems around the world. Like in Scotland, where I have some of my golf courses, really great courses, but my people there, they tell me this thing, you know, in Glasgow, with the fans of the teams, the rangers and the Celtic? It’s such a shame that they fight the way they do. Perhaps I can help with that, who knows?

25. I ThINK one of the greatest of all terms I’ve come up with is ‘fake’. I guess other people have used it, perhaps, over the years, but I’ve never noticed it.

26. THE death penalty, if you have that, all the studies show, it’s highly unlikely that the person will commit another crime.

27. I’Ve studied wars, I know so much about wars and you don’t want to get involved in wars, believe me, because nobody ever wins a war. Apart from the guys that do, obviously. But even then, do they really win? Who can tell?

28. YoU know what uranium is, right? It’s a thing called nuclear weapons, and other things, like lots of things are done with uranium, including some bad things.

29. WheN during the campaign I would say ‘Mexico’s going to pay for it,’ obviously I never said this and I never meant they’re going to write out a cheque.

30. (ON MEETING Pope Francis) It’s a beautiful feeling when you meet someone on your level, when you know you both represent a great number of people. And also obviously he’s aware that I was an important figure even before the White House, you know with my business achievements and so forth, so he can respect me for that too. It really helps a relationship.

31. (To CNN’S Larry King, on air) Do you mind if I sit back a little? Because your breath is very bad — it really is.

32. IT hAS not been easy for me. And you know I started off in Brooklyn, my father gave me a small loan of a million dollars.

33. I’Ve always been a big fan of scientists, people like da Vinci and edison, and the guy who invented the rubik’s cube.

34. hoW about the word ‘caravan’? Caravan? I think that was one of mine.

35. FAKe news — it’s a real problem.

37. (oN PUerTo rico) This is an island surrounded by water, big water, ocean water.

36. MY BOOKS sell so well, they sell millions, but did you ever see Donald Trump mentioned for the Nobel Prize? Maybe the Nobel people should check out the bestseller lists.

38. PeoPLe love my hair. even when they say they hate my hair, I know it’s because they love my hair, they wish they had my hair.

39. I THINK I am actually humble. I think I’m much more humble than you would understand.

40. TheY say global warming will make the ocean rise by a foot, or maybe two feet. But that’s just the first couple of people on the beach, right?