A tiny turkey and no in-laws? Hurrah!

Muffle the bells, stop all the clocks, put away the silvered robins and the tinsel packs. for Christmas as we know it appears to have been cancelled this year. Not since the 17th century, when Oliver Cromwell stopped Christmas altogether — and Mrs Cromwell kissed him on the forehead, put her feet up and told him he was an absolute darling — have our collective festive plans been tossed into such disarray.

In england, gatherings of more than six people from two households are banned.

In Scotland, Nicola Sturgeon has opted for the same rule, but added that the number does not include children under 12, and any number of them can join the party. Shriek!

Could this hellish festive scenario get any worse?

The thought of six adults and unlimited kiddies choking down turkey in a small front room is most people’s idea of purgatory. It is certainly mine.

Suddenly, everyone’s festive celebrations have been pulled into sharp focus. Big family gatherings look like they are off the table this year, while there is no escape outside the home, either.

london’s Winter Wonderland has been cancelled, Berlin’s Christmas Market has been cancelled, office parties have been cancelled, hotels are closing their dining rooms, there’s not a panto to be seen and, up at the North Pole, father Christmas must be considering his options. Perhaps we are all going to have to do the same.

for many, many families, of course, Christmas is the high point of the year: a time of blazing hearth and home amidst the bleak midwinter; a time to gather with family and friends.

EveN if the Christian message is not important to you, or is not part of your religion, Christmas is still a significant date in the calendar year — a break from the humdrum and routine and with fairy lights!

Indeed, the very thought of it is one of the few things that has got us through this interminable lockdown.

Back in March, when we — I think I mean me — were all making jokes about panic buying, sourdough bread-making and leg wax meltdowns, it was all with the tacit proviso that, within a few weeks — months at the most — things would be back to normal.

By Christmas we would be wassailing and carolling as per usual. And now this! No one is laughing any more, because how much more can we take?

The mixed messages have been so confusing. Go out and eat pizza! Don’t go out and eat pizza! enjoy this bargain meal voucher! Stay at home, you lunatic. One can fume at the covidiots who have caused these new constraints on our freedoms — and we all know who you are.

It is infuriating millions of us have to rely on the sensibilities of a small minority — or lack thereof — to live our lives but, at the moment, what else can we do?

Too many people — most of them young — think that the rules do not apply to them. Too many people have gone on holiday or to raves, or refuse to wear masks. There is little point in wasting any more energy on their idiocy.

Instead of the backlash that is gathering, perhaps it would be more constructive to reconsider Christmas itself, rather than steam away in fury like a bubbling pudding.

Mothers and wives — yes, they still bear the brunt of the festive season — might breathe a sigh of relief that they won’t be catering monumental roast dinners, cocktail titbits and cooked breakfasts for an army of invaders this year. Or turning their home into a hotel where no one ever pays the bills. A smaller turkey and no in-laws — what’s not to like?

And now that shopping sprees and exchanging presents with extended family members seem unlikely, might the brutal and endless commercialisation of Christmas be halted in its tracks for once — and leave us free to celebrate what is important, rather than what is advertised as the latest festive fad or must-have toy?

Perhaps we’ll see a resurgence in the sending of Christmas cards, a practice that has slipped away over the years.

I am not a Christmas denier. I love every bit of it, from the first bauble that pops up in John lewis to the last fleck of glitter swept away. If there is a new cheese gadget from lakeland (see below), it is on my list.

BuT We had all better get used to the idea that this Christmas is going to be very different indeed, and might it not be such a terrible thing after all? first they came for our hairdressers. Then they came for our holidays. Now the Government seem hell bent on a collision course with Christmas, which looks like having a snowball’s chance of surviving in any traditional sense this year.

Is that good news or bad news? Neither. It’s simply up to us all to make the most of it.