He’s sponging off you - infuriating!

DOM SAYS:

YOU are far from the only person to have gone through this. Paying rent to parents will always seem wrong to a child who has spent their whole life being paid for — and it often seems wrong to the parent, too.

They have spent decades forking out for everything and it can seem unnatural to change that. But change it they must, for their sake and the child’s. It is vitally important that they learn life doesn’t come free.

It is a rite of passage for a young person to learn that laundry costs money, a shower costs money and keeping the fridge cold (never mind filling it) costs money. It must be beyond irritating that this young man refuses to see this, especially as he has had a job for a while.

I’m very sorry his stepmother isn’t being supportive to him or you. I’m quite sure the resentment you describe is real. If you don’t deal with it now, it will only get worse and cause issues between you and your partner.

It is time for a very strong conversation with your partner, as this is where the problem lies. His stepmother is mollycoddling him and making it difficult for you both. It is unfair that you have to work six days a week, and it’s time to get tough.

You say your partner works, so presumably she contributes towards the mortgage and bills? If so, and she continues to insist that her adult stepson doesn’t have to pay his way, the onus must go back on her.

she must increase her contribution and you must reduce yours, because you simply can’t do it any more. You are being sponged off by this young man. He must pay up or move out.

Then, he would quickly find out that, in real life, rent and rates, bills and so forth add up to a daunting amount. All of a sudden, a reasonable rent to stay in the family home will become very attractive.

explain to your partner that, with money being tight, the alternative is for you to work seven days a week. surely she wouldn’t want that. You must be getting tired of working six days as it is.

Your resentment will only grow. The joys and benefits of living with your partner are being eroded by the fact that she is forcing you to work six days a week. she is putting her stepson’s comfort ahead of your relationship, which is not fine if he is an adult.

With the threat of lockdown reappearing and work drying up yet again, it has never been more important that everyone pulls their weight. It’s time for your partner and her stepson to step up to the plate.