Don’t let him treat you like skivvies

STEPH SAYS:

I sense that you are an honourable man, who has always done the right thing by his family, and that you feel you are being taken advantage of. so I understand your frustration. However, I’d like you to consider a few things that may not have occurred to you.

I think there are two problems here. The first is the stepson’s domestic laziness and the second is money. To tackle them both is to recognise one thing — this conversation should have been had before they moved in!

I know how important a step cohabiting is and you are obviously in it for the long haul. But, much as for couples getting married, the conversation about children must be had.

You may not have fully realised the commitment you were taking on when you decided to live together as a family unit. sadly, it’s a familiar tale that a rift appears and, suddenly, you are two units, as your partner is siding with her stepchild, regardless of his behaviour.

As the head of your household, it is down to you to create a relationship with him and lead the way for him to follow.

I feel he is not showing you any respect with his behaviour. Your partner works, yet still seems to be doing the lion’s share of the household work, too, which I’m sure you can see is not fair.

Then, despite being physically tired when you come home from your job, you pitch in, too — as you all should.

so my advice is, as you are now a family unit, you should behave like one. Get your evidence ready and all sit down as equals. If her stepson could see how much time it actually takes to manage a home, to clean, to cook, to do all the life admin, he might soon see that these tasks have great value.

I would ask your partner and her stepson to look at the simple numbers: what money is coming in; what money is going out.

Ask them where they think you could all contribute. I don’t think it’s right to ask a young adult to pay a full third of the expenses — but my point is that you share your concerns.

Hopefully, your partner and her stepson will see you are exhausted and would like to spend your time with them, rather than doing chores.

Tackling this together is the right way to go about it, rather than reprimanding your partner for not teaching her stepson how life as an adult works — and him for abusing your generosity.

Include them in your fears. show them your concern is for all of you, so your stepson sees his behaviour is not acceptable when you all share a home.