You CAN find two extra hours a day to devote to yourself
...thanks to an ingenious time-saving technique that teaches over-stretched women to say ‘no’
When my first marriage ended, my two boys were four and 18 months old and the challenges felt huge. Suddenly, I had to sell a house, rent a new one and work out how to cope financially on my own.
At first, I struggled — I remember phoning the solicitor and crying down the line because I couldn’t get the word ‘divorce’ out. I didn’t eat properly for months.
But I was still a mum, so I couldn’t totally sink. I had to take Tom to the park and get him ready to start primary school. I had to change Jonny’s nappy and make sure they were both happy, well-fed and loved. And I had to find time for me, too.
That was when I decided I needed a plan of action, a way to organise my life that would stop me feeling permanently frazzled and help me fulfil my ambitions. Today, I call it The Organised Time Technique (TOTT).
Some of you will already know me from my first book, The Organised Mum Method, which I devised to help me manage the housework. That built me an online following of more than 200,000 on Instagram and social media.
But TOTT is bigger. It’s a master plan, a way of keeping the whole show on the road for all women, not just mothers.
TODAY, I am happily remarried, a mum to three boys — Ben arrived five years ago — and a stepmum, too. And TOTT is how I manage all the calls on my time while keeping enough of it aside for me. My time plan is an antidote to the craziness of modern women’s lives.
Too many of us, in thrall to the never-ending to-do list, feel ground down by responsibilities — taking care of our family, running a household, succeeding in our career — all of which is made harder by the pandemic. What we need is a framework for life that takes the stress out of all that plate-spinning.
TOTT will give you the tools and the headspace you need.
After you have followed my ‘time bootcamp’, you will always know where you are supposed to be, what you are supposed to be doing and when.
Most importantly, you will carve out time to start fulfilling those dreams you put on hold when adult life got in the way.
So let’s get to it! Simply follow this step-by-step guide...
1. TIME BOOT CAMP
Over the next week, I want you to write down everything you spend your time on.
That means how much sleep you’re getting, how long it takes you to shower, to get to the office, to take the kids to afterschool club, to do the laundry, right down to how long you spend scrolling on your phone.
Be honest and accurate. And track your emotions, as well — this will be crucial information later on. If you feel stressed because you’re late for work or didn’t have time to cook dinner from scratch, note it down.
2. THE CULL
In This step, I want you to start thinking of your day, not in terms of minutes and hours but as a series of half-hour units — so 48 units in each day.
now take a good look at your boot camp notes and, next to each entry, write down the number of units it takes.
So, sleeping might be 15 units, looking at social media two units, and so on. By creating a clear list, you can start to cull or change anything that looks wasteful.
Say you spent two units going to the shops every day after work. By doing a weekly online shop instead, you’re saving 14 units a week or 728 units a year, which is an annual time saving of 364 hours. Fifteen days a year wasted on ‘popping to the shop’!
For each unit-sapping task, ask yourself the question: What would happen if I didn’t do it?
If you didn’t visit your elderly mother twice a week (six units), for example, she would feel lonely. however, if you didn’t volunteer at a charity shop on a Tuesday afternoon (three units), you would cause a minor inconvenience until they found someone else. Cull the latter, not the former.
Be ruthless!
3. CHORE DUMP
On the social media channels I run, on the subjects of household management and cleaning, 98 per cent of my followers are female. I wish there were more men.
Why do women carry so much of the weight? no wonder resentment starts to creep in and affect other areas of the relationship.
Big hint: the average woman finds it hard to get into the sexy vibe when she has spent all evening tidying up and he is sitting on the sofa.
this is where the boot camp comes in handy — and even handier if he does the same exercise, as the evidence of what you both do around the house will be there in black and white.
When you talk to him about how your time is disappearing into housework and his isn’t, it will take away the ‘I think’ and ‘I feel’ part of the conversation. the facts will be there.
Or, if you’re really feeling underappreciated, you could do what one of my followers did and stick a Post-it note on every item relating to a household job you do in a day. ‘At the end of the day the house was full of Post-its!’ she told me. ‘there was one stuck on the tV saying, “I dusted this”. there was one next to the slow cooker, which had dinner in it, saying, “I cooked this”. there was one on the fridge saying, “I filled this with food”. And so on ...’
Once you have the evidence, have the conversation and ask him to step up.
4. LEVEL UP
At lAst! this is where you start to find that precious me-time.
take all the jobs you’ve identified in your notes and divide them into three levels.
level-one jobs you need to do every day to keep yourself and your dependents healthy — bathing, eating, cooking for children, caring for an elderly relative, sleeping.
level-two jobs are important but can wait if need be — doing your tax return, cleaning the house, doing laundry, going to work (because if you take a sick day, the world won’t stop).
And level-three jobs (cue chorus of angels) are those activities you want to do but never quite manage to fit in — having a long bath, taking up a hobby, reading a book, setting up a side-business, getting to Pilates, going to the spa.
think of your level-one and leveltwo jobs as the legs of the swan working hard under the surface, while the level threes will make it appear that you are gliding effortlessly to hot yoga sessions three times a week.
5. BUILD YOUR DAY
Put in your level-one jobs first. they are the scaffolding that will hold up the rest of your tOtt plan and your life.
Don’t be shocked at how much time they take up, just move on to adding in your level twos. When that is done, we can work out how much time you have left for the longed-for level-three treats. here’s an example: sleep: 16 units (level one). Work: 14 units (level two). housework: 1.5 units (level two). Getting yourself and the kids ready in the morning (including breakfast): 2 units (level one).
school run and/or commute: 2 units (level two).
school pick-up and/or home commute: 2 units (level two).
Dinner prep and evening meal: 3 units (level one).
Bath/bedtime with kids: 2 units (level two). total: 43.5 units.
this leaves you with 4.5 units for your level-three ‘me time’. that’s two hours 15 minutes — which is a fair bit, don’t you think?
ADApteD by ALISoN RoBeRtS from the organised time technique, by Gemma Bray (£12.99, Little, Brown). © 2020 Gemma Bray. to order a copy for £11.04 go to mailshop. co.uk/books or call 020 3308 9193. Free uK delivery on orders over £15. promotional price valid until 05/10/2020.