Is it just ME?

Or are kitchen islands a complete waste of space?

KITCHEN islands? Why do they spring up like the new Messiah of every home renovation, so beloved of estate agents, interior designers and every salivating Nigellaesque cook? I don’t get them. The only island I’m interested in is fringed with palm trees, not bar stools.

For a start, when I go out to a restaurant I will occasionally sit at the bar and eat, for the atmosphere, but at home? No. The point of family meals are that you engage with each other, not perch in a row like ducks in a fairground game. Who wants to watch anyone cook, or get soaked in the smoke and frying smells? I do not want to recreate Benihana.

Some have sinks on their islands. Believe me, watching my host do the washing up is not on my Netflix list. Neither do I have the desire to perform either of these acts in front of an audience. If family, I’m resentful that

Give me a good old kitchen table you can actually sit, bake and do jigsaws at.

they are sitting on their donkeys while I slave, and if guests, well, I certainly don’t want them to see me fishing the dropped potatoes out of the sink.

So why are they so loved and desirable? Why do people want an immovable monolith dropped in the middle of their kitchen? You are stuck with it, the plumbing, the electrics, the gas. You can’t push it into the corner when you’re fed up or when fashions change.

Give me a good old kitchen table any day. Not only can you sit at it, with backrests, without the indignity of hoisting yourself on a stool like you’re in Wetherspoons, but you can bake, peel, do jigsaws and play monopoly on it.

Push it to the side, repaint, or replace at will, and most of all, sit with your significant other while you enjoy your supper, fresh from the most used item in any kitchen — the microwave.