Why making your teens cringe is every mother’s sacred duty!
SARAH VINE
This week, to celebrate turning 48, Gwyneth Paltrow decided to post a picture of herself in her birthday suit to her 7.4 million instagram followers. As you do.
standing coquettishly in front of some foliage, one arm across her chest, her right leg half-raised to protect her modesty, no doubt she hoped to project a picture of female beauty and empowerment (not to mention sell a few tubs of the Goop body butter she was promoting). And in many ways she succeeded.
For her 16-year-old daughter, however, it was a case of TMI (‘too much information’). ‘MOM,’ she commented, making clear her embarrassment — to which Paltrow replied with a line of laughing emojis.
i don’t need to pose naked to make my 17-year-old daughter cringe (a nation heaves a sigh of relief). My very existence is enough.
My sins, apparently, include ‘always trying to cook for me’, asking her friends questions about themselves (where they live, where they’re at school, what A-levels they’re doing, would they like a sandwich) and posting adorable pictures of her on my own instagram.
GuilTy on all fronts. But, the truth is, i love embarrassing my children. in fact, i would go so far as to say i consider it my solemn parental duty to do so at every available opportunity.
The relationship between parent and teenager is a difficult one. On the one hand, they still need you; on the other, they are desperate to break free. you love them deeply and enjoy seeing them come into their own. But there’s a price.
They do annoying things such as invite friends over who steal your wine and then throw up in your bathroom, blocking the sink for days before they come clean about it. Then they go on the defensive, arguing that it’s all your fault for having wine in the house in the first place.
They go to parties and forget to tell you they’re not coming home; or they say they’re sleeping over and then come home after all, only of course they’ve forgotten their key so they ring the doorbell at 4am, setting the dogs barking and waking the whole neighbourhood.
They ‘borrow’ your iPods and lose them, make themselves zucchini fritti at midnight (seriously, what’s wrong with a bowl of cereal?), leave all the lights on (despite lecturing you about climate change), dye their hair using your best towels. They are an endless source of frustration — but also, of course, fascination.
When you consider the rap sheet, a bit of mild embarrassment is a small price to pay. More importantly, it’s good for them. Takes them down a peg or two. Makes them realise there are other people in the world apart from themselves.
some parents go out of their way not to embarrass their children. you see them walking several steps behind their offspring like cowed wives. But parents who alter their behaviour to curry favour with their teenagers inevitably end up losing the battle. if you allow your child to dictate how you live your life, you are not raising a well-rounded human being, you’re raising a spoilt brat.
so whether it’s Paltrow in her birthday suit, or liz hurley in her bikinis, or ulrika Jonsson documenting her transition from thongs to ‘apple catcher’ big pants, we embarrassing mums must stick together.
My current line of attack involves joining my local ward action group in an attempt to clean up my local park, which has become overrun with drug dealers. This, my son (15, peak teen) informs me, qualifies me as a ‘Karen’, which is possibly the most embarrassing anyone can be.
Naturally, i take great delight in telling all his friends about my efforts. As Paltrow herself might put it,