He’s bullied you into hosting – say No!
STEPH SAYS:
After almost three years, this is our final column for Inspire, and, before we explore our last dilemma, I’d like to thank our truly ‘inspirational’ readers’— especially those who have had the courage to write to us and share their deeply personal troubles.
every single one of you who has written i n has helped countless others struggling with similar i ssues — and you’ve also helped us with our relationship.
It has become natural for us to apply the issue to our own life together, and explore areas where we too have perhaps not communicated well enough.
So for that I thank you all very much. dom and I are now better people for having pondered your stories and for that I will be forever grateful.
It is crystal clear that truth, communication and its delivery are the only ways to maintain a healthy relationship. So I urge you to be brave and show your vulnerability — honesty is the key to every obstacle. So with that said, I agree that your husband i nviting his family without discussing it is a no-no. It suggests he knew it wasn’t what you would want — and that, in itself, is wrong.
Bullying you i nto doing something you don’t want is far more of a problem than who’s going to buy the turkey and make the mince pies. And that’s what you need to tackle.
Tell him in no uncertain terms that what he has done is completely unacceptable.
He has decided that there will be nine people around your table this year. He has tripled your workload. At a time when you’re working flat out to hang on to your job!
The minutiae of Christmas is insane — and intense. Who is going to wash all the towels and find the pillows — for nine! — and buy the sprouts and the presents and think about tablecloths and soup spoons and loo rolls!
He’s sent you into a tailspin, which, as your partner, he should be doing everything to protect you from. He clearly has no idea of the kind of energy, both physical and mental, it takes to host Christmas. It’s time to tell him.
So, don’t stamp your feet, but explain to him, calmly, that you have a voice, too. find a middle ground. They can come for drinks on Christmas eve, or a walk and leftovers on Boxing day, but the 25th? You’re exhausted. It’s your holiday as well.
I’ll be thinking of you and hoping you enjoy every moment, quietly, sitting down with a glass of wine and a mince pie — made by someone else and washed up by your husband.