LITTLEJOHN

POLICE have stepped up their war on Christmas lights. On Friday, I brought you news of a home owner in Staffordshire who was threatened with a £10,000 fine because spectators attracted by his Chevy Chase-style display broke Covid-19 social distancing rules. Now we learn that a couple who turned their bungalow into a Winter Wonderland, complete with illuminated reindeers and giant glowing turtles, have been forced to pull the plug by the ever-vigilant Avon and Somerset Plod. The Old Bill haven’t yet got round to Jeremy and Mandy Voakes, who for the past 20 years have installed 150,000 fairy lights at their home near Morecambe to raise money for the NSPCC. Their dazzling spectacular consumes so much electricity that the tumble drier has gone on the blink and they’ve had to switch off the underfloor heating, just to be on the safe side. It’s so bright that RAF fighter pilots are using the house as a navigation marker, rather like World War II bombers returning from night raids over Germany relied on Lincoln Cathedral to plot their safe course home. How long before Jeremy and Mandy have to shut it down — not because of Covid but in the name of national security? If the RAF can spot the property from 30,000ft, so can potential enemy aircraft. With sabre-rattling between Britain and France escalating over Brexit, and talk of gunboats in the Channel, a possible ten grand fine for breaking corona rules will be the least of their problems. In the event of a shooting war breaking out, their Winter Wonderland would become a prime target for an Exocet missile down the chimney. Boom, boom, out go the lights!