Celebrities aren’t the stars of the Vax Factor
(But they’re still playing the role of a lifetime)
DArlInGS, have you thought about what you are going to wear for the social event of the year — your Covid jab appointment? over the past few weeks, many celebrities clearly have thought of little else. Sean Penn did it sockless, while Ian McKellen did it in a rainbow-knitted scarf. Anthony hopkins did it in a scary mask, but sadly not his hannibal lecter one. Jane Fonda did it in glam retro sunglasses,
Samuel l. Jackson kept his baseball cap on, ruth langsford was wearing a LOVE T-shirt and Dame Joan Collins did it in a floral mask to match her floral dress, saucily mentioning that she did it on the same day as the Queen. no prizes for guessing who was most regal.
I did it in my jeans on a wintry Saturday morning and experienced the same unexpected burst of euphoria as the stars did; the same overwhelming feeling of relief and gratitude, the same impulse to share my good news with the world.
only, unlike them, I didn’t think to seize the photo opportunity and take a picture of myself during the process.
That’s the difference between Joan and me, along with the husbands, the considerable age gap and the even larger financial divide.
But are we truly ready for this new kind of Vax Factor, with our senior citizen celebrities racing to their social media platforms to upload footage of their ancient flesh receiving their jabs before even the plaster has been stripped into place over the puncture wound?
Is this the latest status symbol, a form of medical one-upmanship that involves giving it your best shot while getting the best shot?
Arnold Schwarzenegger was snapped doing it in his car while Bake off star Prue leith did it in a statement necklace and a here’s-one-I-baked-earlier short-sleeved T-shirt.
You don’t get to be a Bake off star like Prue without knowing how to frost your cookies, how to rinse your avocados in water to stop them from browning and how to efficiently prepare for a vaccination. ‘Who wouldn’t want immunity from Covid-19 with a painless jab?’ she wrote on her Instagram post, while slipping back into her cosy cardigan.
Who, indeed? one unfortunate element of The Vax Factor seems to suggest that it cannot be a pandemic unless it is a celebrity pandemic; that the threat of Covid-19 cannot really exist without Jeff Goldblum slinking into the spotlight to thank frontline health workers in California, or Michael Caine baring his arm and encouraging others to get their jab, too.
And after notice of his vaccination arrived, actor Billy Crystal told for the first time of his ‘pre-existing, underlying condition — which is terror’.
Yet for once I am calling an amnesty on the kind of fame-hungry stars who make every national or global event about themselves. Instead, we should be grateful to every one of them for rolling up their sleeve and getting stuck in.
For once there is a serious message behind their shameless camera-mugging; theirs is an earnest attempt to persuade the wary and the worried to get their jab, along with the more problematic loony anti-vaxxers and vaccine refuseniks. even my lovely jabber asked me to spread the word about the painless process, and he didn’t know I was a journalist: he was saying it to everyone.
So thank you, Prue and Co. — every little helps. We truly are all in this together, which is why it is so infuriating when instant experts and Those Who Know Best won’t be vaccinated under any circumstances.
Why not? Why would you refuse this health-giving kryptonite and take your chances with a killer disease instead?
‘You don’t know what is in it,’ they say of the vaccines. That is their chief excuse.
Well, you could say the same thing about hamburgers (no ham), custard creams (not much custard), ginseng supplements (who knows) and marshmallows (don’t ask). But that doesn’t stop any of these things being wolfed down in their millions, probably by these very same people.
You’ve got to wonder what mindset gets you to a place where you think you know better than every health expert in the world.
I have a conspiracy theory about conspiracy theorists, which is that they are scared of anything they don’t understand, but are too supercilious to put the effort into learning anything new. In addition, there is still so much anger out there about who has had the vaccine and who has not.
But I fear it is less of a pick-and-mix government plot than just simply different metrics and pressures in different parts of the country.
I got mine early because my GP surgery was efficiently filling up vacant slots at the last minute — could I make it to a health centre in Chelsea in less than 24 hours? I most certainly could.
There I found the good cheer of the volunteers, the efficiency of all involved and the miracle itself — the little glass phial of AstraZeneca vaccine — all rather overwhelming. The mundane marvel of it all was gasping; from first lockdown to this merciful release, we have come a long way.
So thank you to all the scientists and doctors, and even to our selfless Vax Factor golden oldies.
We should be grateful for their zest and good cheer in pushing the vaccines and encouraging participation in a world-beating national endeavour that means it will soon be available to all.
And also for their restraint. This first generation of vaxxers has been fine.
oh my God, just wait until the influencers get here . . .