Why was I cut off so cruelly after being like a dad?

Oh dear, I fear you have never before encountered the casual cruelty of teenagers. as many a parent will tell you, they can shoot from the hip, then step over your wounded body on their way out to meet friends, scrutinising their phone as they go.

They don’t necessarily intend to be mean; it is just a part of cutting free from the apron strings. Suddenly the delightful child who needed you and thought time with you was fun realises that ‘Mum’s friends’ are faintly embarrassing oldsters who cramp their style. It can be brutal.

and many a teenager proves short on ‘empathy’ simply because they find life such a struggle that all their pity is used up on themselves.

It’s bad enough for family, but you were in a strange, rather sad situation that left you very vulnerable.

To be honest, these days there are quite a lot of people who would worry at an older, unmarried man spending a great deal of time with a teenage girl, and buying her lots of gifts.

You are very clear in your full letter that you longed to be a father-figure, but unfortunately we live in a suspicious world and I find it absolutely believable that the girl (how old is she? 16ish?) and her new boyfriend talked and decided your slight obsession with her was . . . well . . . weird.

This will sound horribly unfair — but

honestly, you owe it to yourself to take it on board.

Three years ago, you were thinking of leaving England to return home, then this mother and daughter came into your life — and transformed it. They made you feel like a family, didn’t they?

It was enchanting to be needed by a blossoming girl, whom you could help with schoolwork and useful things such as books — just as you had dreamt of doing with your own children.

You grew to love the girl — and when she fantasised about you walking her down the aisle it must have touched your heart.

But she was growing and changing and once the boyfriends come along there is no time for adoring (and easily exploitable) old men.

I have no idea of your age, but to teenagers, 40 is pretty old. It’s sad for you, but you must have made things so much worse with all your texts and calls, which became increasingly desperate and made you more likely to be ghosted.

When you write, ‘I didn’t take it well’ — my heart goes out to you, but I regret to say you must have made yourself look fond and foolish. What next? You must realise that you and this girl were never actually ‘friends’ — and it is time now to build a real life, with proper friends.

You say nothing about your social life (and Lord knows, it’s been taken away from us all) but now is the time to look forward and think how you want 2021 to shape. You may even take up your plan of returning to Italy.

But remember, it’s never too late to find love, if you face outwards to the world afresh.