PHARMACIST’S WIDOW WHO HAD TO BREAK THE SADDEST OF NEWS

how I knew he was really scared.’ afterwards, he sent her a text, telling her: ‘From now on, positivity.’

Kanan knew what Jay had meant. ‘that I had to stay strong for my daughters,’ she says simply. and that is what she did. the day after Jay died was Kiya’s 16th birthday, and Kanan decided it wouldn’t be fair not to celebrate. So she bought a cake and put a photo of Jay next to it. ‘I had to go to the toilet to cry. It’s the only place I knew no one would find me.’

the next few months were gruelling, emotionally and practically. Kanan was also caring for her father, who lived with them, as well as trying to help the girls process their grief.

‘I let them sleep as long as possible, the later the better, because when they woke up, it would all come flooding back to them,’ she says. the smallest things could be devastating. ‘Once, we went food shopping, and when we passed a drink Jay liked, Rya turned to me and said: “Mum, we’re never going to see him again.” It was awful. In those moments, I feel like I have to hold it together. I told her: “He is always with us: we won’t forget him.” ’

Christmas was particularly difficult as Jay loved the holiday. ‘I still did everything he would have done,’ says Kanan. ‘We put up lights, a tree, cooked a roast. One minute we’d be crying, the next we’d be laughing.’

two weeks ago, Kanan also lost her father, from a heart attack. ‘It has been the worst year,’ Kanan says.

‘I often think of Jay’s last message to me, telling me to stay positive. He was a fighter and I’ll fight for my girls. It’s that which keeps me going.’