Z Cars Was Never Like This (ZCWNLT)
How to teach yourself Line of Duty (LoD) A Beginner’s Guide.
AC: Anti-Corruption. Or Assistant Commissioner. Or Air Conditioning. AFO: Authorised Firearms Officer. AKWOTOS: Anyone Know What’s On The Other Side? APD: Actor Playing Dead. Perfect work for those able to hold their breath, look glum and lie stock still. Non-speaking role. ARV: Armed Response Vehicle. ‘I can’t understand a word they’re on about, guv.’ ‘OK! Send in the ARV!’ AYSWHWTEB: Are You Sure We Haven’t Watched This Episode Before? B&E: Breaking and Entering B&EAB&Q: Breaking and entering a DIY store. BWSK2EB: But Wasn’t She Killed 2 Episodes Back? BW1IH: But Which One Is He? COM: Covert Operations Manager. CMHNTU: Can’t Make Head Nor Tail Unit. Undercover unit dedicated to keeping viewers from knowing what’s happening. CSI: Crime Scene Indigestion. Queasy feeling that comes over sensitive viewers as blood gurgles out of the mouth of the latest victim. CSPTMWGO: Could Someone Please Tell Me What’s Going On? DBTA: Doesn’t Bear Thinking About. ‘DCI Prendergast didn’t fall — she was pushed.’ ‘Hmmm. Doesn’t Bear Thinking About.’ DC: Detective Constable DCA: Definitely Can’t Act DCI: Dodgy Chief Inspector DTM: Don’t Tell Me! ‘Now I know who H is. And I know who A, B, C, D, E, F and G are, too!’
‘Don’t tell me!’ DFA: Death From Acronyms. Up to 23 per cent of Line Of Duty viewers now suffer from Extreme Acronymia (EA). DTMHTDMJ: Don’t Tell Me How To Do My Job.
‘Better get the place surrounded, Ma’am.’
‘Don’t tell me how to do my job.’ EDCI: Even Dodgier Chief Inspector EA: ‘Evenin’ All!’ Sgt Dixon Of Dock Green makes an unexpected entry, only to be hauled in for questioning about a series of warehouse robberies culminating in the brutal murder of an undercover officer (UC). FI: Forensic Investigator. Invariably gathers physical evidence at a crime scene before — whoopsy! — allowing it to be contaminated. FME: Forensic Medical Examiner. As distinct from: FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out. GMS: Give Me Strength GSW: Gunshot wound. GTG: Gone To Ground GTCG: Gone to Celebrity Gogglebox HLBWTB: He Looks Better Without The Beard IHDDITWTHD: If He Didn’t Do It Then Who The Hell Did? INALTS: I’m Not At Liberty To Say. LBIB: Looks Bad In a Balaclava LP: Laughing Policeman, 2021:
‘I know a fat old policeman, he’s always on our street
A fat old jolly red-faced man, he really is a treat.
He’s too fine for a policeman, he’s never known to frown
And everybody says, he’s bent — so let’s take him down.’ LW: Last words. ‘As he lay there dying, he tried to tell me something. He said, “I bet you can’t guess who shot me, Sarge.” ‘So I said, “Tell me!” ‘And he said, “It rhymes with purple.” ‘And I said, “But nothing rhymes with purple.” ‘And he said, “I know! Just kidding! But, seriously, guys, his name is...” And then passed away.’ MOG: Mother of God. The only character mentioned in Line Of Duty who was never a suspect. That must mean she did it, surely? MYOB: Mind Your Own Business. ‘DCI Brooks, were you responsible for the murder of Dave Grunge. ‘Yes or No?’ ‘MYOB.’ NWYTIW: Not Who You Thought It Was. And if it’s not who you thought it was, it must be who you first thought it was but then thought it wasn’t, or who you thought it might be but then thought it might not be and then thought it definitely was but now think it might be once more. On the other hand, if it’s not who you thought it was or who you thought it wasn’t then Who Does That Leave (WDTL)? OCG: Organised Crime Group. OMG: Exclamation as a balaclava is pulled off a corpse and the victim is NWYTIW. SB: Suspicious Behaviour. A smile and/or joke on Line Of Duty officially constitutes suspicious behaviour. ‘This horse walks into a bar, right...?’
‘OK! That’s enough! I’m arresting you on charges of SB.’ TFC: Tactical Firearms Commander. Formulates and oversees the working strategy during an armed operation. Not to be confused with TLC. WHT: Who’s H, Then? WCWHI: Who Cares Who H Is? WPB: Waste Paper Basket. Full of vital clues. WPC: Woman Police Constable. ZCWNLT: Z Cars Was Never Like This