GOODBYE ELLEN, WHOEVER YOU REALLY ARE

CHAT show host Ellen DeGeneres is retiring from the sofa and the studio. She is going off to sulk in one of her many mansions after trying to explain that the Ellen persona she put on for the Ellen show was not the real Ellen.

She also swept aside allegations of systemic bullying by claiming that sometimes she was just a bit cranky.

This crankiness is nothing new. We know from the tax affairs of daytime queen Lorraine Kelly that the Lorraine we see on Lorraine is not the real Lorraine.

That super-empathetic character, that perma-kind presence who would give you her last teabag and is as sweet as a granny in a seasonal grotto?

That is not Lorraine, but a Lorraine construct, a ‘theatrical artist’ who is performing and burnishing her brand.

You might recall that during her tax case in court, to save a fortune in payments, Real Lorraine had to convince a judge that it was Fake Lorraine on the screen and that she was only acting being nice all along.

How lucky for her that the judge agreed that ‘all parts of the show are a performance, the act being to perform the role of a friendly, chatty and fun personality’.

One could argue that life itself is a performance. But not for Ellen.

Not for much longer.