I think I’ve found Father’s love child online

DEAR BEL,

BOTH my parents were serial philanderers. My late mother always believed that a friend’s daughter was my dad’s child.

The married lady had trouble conceiving, but became pregnant when Mum thought Dad was seeing her.

Now in her 50s, the daughter, Diane, has come up on my Facebook feed. With both parents dead, she lives in the States. My father, at 88, is still alive in a care home. Diane is the image of him!

She may have had a very happy childhood, so I’d never want to destroy happy memories.

I’d want to know my real dad and I’d hate to discover the truth when it’s too late. What should I do?

HELEN

TWO questions about the past today leave me wondering if we overestimate the value of ‘the truth’.

Do some people insist on telling what they call ‘the truth’, knowing they will inflict hurt on others?

It’s intriguing to know exactly why this stranger has just popped up on your Facebook feed.

Were you searching for her, to delve into an old family secret? I don’t believe you can tell from a photograph that she actually is your father’s child. Nor do I think any good can come from her knowing that her late mother was unfaithful to the man she called dad all her life.

If you reveal your suspicion, you will surely make this woman unhappy.

Do you really want her to cross the Atlantic to visit your frail father, or would this be a way of punishing him for his transgressions? I think you need to be scrupulously honest about your motivation before you decide what to do.

If it were me, I would keep quiet.