Should I cut my idle son out of my will?

DEAR BEL,

I BADLY need your help to make one of the biggest decisions of my life.

A widower in my mid-70s, I’ve worked very hard and have a home, some money and investments to leave to my two children and two grandchildren. But I do not know how to distribute it correctly.

My daughter is a single mum of two and works two jobs. My son (in his early 50s) stays at home all day, playing on his computer while his partner works six days a week to keep them afloat. I can’t discuss this with him because he becomes angry, claims illness, but is always reluctant to seek medical help.

I want to give my daughter and grandsons equal shares, but cannot decide if I should include my son. Do I split everything between the four, or leave my son out completely, or give him less than the others?

What would you do?

ADRIAN

We’re of an age; you remind me it’s time to revisit the will.

It’s a gloomy business at the best of times, yet must be done. But first I offer you some of my own mother’s practical wisdom.

A prudent saver, some years ago she decided it would be sensible to give cash gifts to her nearest and dearest

for this and that. So when we moved here 11 years ago, she (or rather she and Dad) helped with the cost of the new kitchen, and both my children have benefited from her generosity when needed.

So why wait until you are dead to help your daughter? Why keep money in the bank?

I do realise you must provide for your own future; nevertheless I suggest you look to the present.

I’d set up a standing order to help your daughter’s household and (hopefully) release her from one of her jobs. Your son need never know; it’s none of his business.

When it comes to the will, I still think you should divide your inheritance equally between four to avoid

family conflict. That’s something none of us wish to bequeath.

Your son has no dependents, but even if you think him undeserving, money might help him with future health problems.

The other three-quarters for your daughter and her children seems fair. But do give the help she needs now.