A longing to meet our little warrior
DEAR BEL
MY GRANDDAUGHTER was expecting her baby in September, but was feeling unwell and felt the need to push, and so on Monday 22, she called Southampton Maternity Unit.
Despite not having been seen by a midwife since 16 weeks she was told not to come. The baby was born at 7am the next day but she was told he had died at 9pm the previous day. I believe if they had looked after her and caught this in time, her baby would be alive.
We were so looking forward to meeting our little warrior. My grieving granddaughter has all the equipment but no baby. I feel the hospital might have been negligent but I am not sure how to contact the Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS). I would welcome any advice. The hospital said there would be an inquiry. Is there anything I can do?
CAROLYN
Last month was sands awareness Month — a way for the charity (stillbirth and Neonatal Death) to send its important message out to the public in many ways. this year the emphasis was on raising awareness of how important it is that the right care and support is there for bereaved parents, whenever their baby died.
this aim is lodged deep within my own heart as I am proud to be one of two founder-patrons of the charity and know from personal experience that a ‘lost’ baby remains a real person to grieving parents.
What’s more, the emptiness can make a whole family suffer, as your letter shows.
I shall use this moment to send out a heartfelt plea to all readers not to remain silent in the presence of another’s grief. saying something as simple as ‘I’m so sorry’ can be a comfort. the sands website has a moving animation which will help others to understand such a loss.
Our sands’ Director of Bereavement support says: ‘I am so sorry to hear about your daughter’s experience and that your greatgrandson sadly died.’
the shock, pain and disbelief can be hard to bear and so much harder if you have questions about care. sands Bereavement support
team is available to listen via phone, email, and closed Facebook and online support communities sands.org.uk/support.
Every baby who dies in the UK must have a review and parent voices must be heard as part of this review. (sands.org.uk/supportyou/understanding-why-yourbaby-died/faqs-bereaved-parentsabout-reviewsinvestigations) the PaLs service for southampton can be found at solent.nhs.uk/tellus/patient-advice-and-liaisonservice-pals. Write to them with your concerns and request your granddaughter’s voice be heard.
I hope this helps your family, Carolyn and that you can support each other in the journey through grief. We never forget the babies we loved and lost.