Trust me, your man’s bald patch is no joke
Ever since the biblical story of Samson, whose seven locks were the source of his immense strength until Delilah cut them while he was sleeping, a man’s hair has been bound up with ideas of virility and power. So it’s not surprise that hair loss can stir up profound feelings for men. While some take a balding head in their stride, for others it is devastating.
This is something I’ve found many women don’t appreciate — and it’s not helped by the fact that many balding men feel embarrassed and ashamed, so are reluctant to talk to others about their feelings.
Men who do try to do something about their hair loss — either through surgical options including hair transplants or by taking medication such as Finasteride which, in some men, can slow the rate of balding — are mocked for being vain in a way that would never be acceptable if it were women.
So profound is the trauma for some, that a group of experts last week suggested they should be offered counselling to come to terms with it.
It’s easy to scoff at such a suggestion but, over the years, many men have confided in me that their hair loss either triggered or exacerbated mental health problems.
GoIng bald is bound up with a loss of masculinity, in a way that the menopause can be linked to a loss of femininity for women.
The image of the fat, balding man strikes horror into many young men who find that they are thinning on top.
But there’s more to it than simply being laughed at.
Hair loss can result in a variety of psychological and emotional problems associated with how we perceive ourselves and how we think others view us.
There is a sense of powerlessness and impotence; our bodies out of control.
During my career as a psychiatrist, I have seen many men who have become clinically depressed after starting to lose their hair and several who have tried to kill themselves because it has made them feel so low and desperate.
Yet still we struggle to properly recognise the impact this can have on a man’s life.
Women are now good at openly talking about the meno- pause, supporting one another and discussing their difficulties. But men still bottle up their feelings and can struggle to talk about this openly.
The result is it remains hidden and unacknowledged.
Before the pandemic, I went for a drink with a friend of mine who is a builder. He earns a modest amount, but was telling me how he had been doing extra shifts to save up some money.
‘What for?’ I asked, assuming he would say something like a deposit for a flat.
‘For a hair transplant,’ he replied.
I was amazed. I’ve known him for years and I don’t think he’s ever spoken to me about his appearance before. Sure, he’s thinning on top, but it never occurred to me that he was worried about it, certainly not to the extent of putting by £15,000 for transplant surgery. ‘I think about it constantly,’ he said when I expressed my surprise. ‘I hate it and, on bad days, when it’s on my mind, I don’t want to go out in public,’ he revealed. This admission that he was so upset about his thinning hair was clearly a massive step for him and, I suspect, he only told me because he knows I work in mental health. When I suggested he talk to his girlfriend about it, his eyes widened and he shook his head. ‘I’d die of embarrassment,’ he told me. of course, many men are able to embrace their thinning hair. They accept it as part of life and opt for a closely shaved look. But, even then, it’s interesting that there’s a whole emerging market for men who don’t want to appear to be going bald despite shaving their head.
You can now opt to have stubble tattooed on to your head to give the impression of a full hair line. This is increasingly popular and A can look convincing. FRIEND of mine had it done a few years ago and his wife, whom he met after the procedure, still doesn’t know that what she thinks is stubble on his head is in fact a clever tattoo.
But all this is going on in the shadows. Men don’t feel able to talk about the distress they feel when they start losing their hair because they think it makes them seem weak and unmanly.
The trauma they experience is real and I think many of these men — regardless of whether they decide to have a hair transplant, or Finasteride or whatever — would benefit from talking to someone to help them come to terms with this natural ageing process.
no intervention — surgical or pharmacological — is perfect and nothing offers a total solution to hair loss.
Psychotherapy, on the other hand, can liberate men to embrace what’s happening rather than trying to fight it.