No winners in war of the words after England fluff their lines
EvErY commentator goes into a big match knowing if they get their phrasing and delivery just right at the key moment, their words will echo down the ages.
‘Some people are on the pitch, they think it’s all over. It is now,’ endures 55 years after Kenneth Wolstenholme first described Geoff hurst’s hat-trick goal clinching the World Cup for England in 1966.
‘It’s up for grabs now,’ was Brian moore’s immortal line just before arsenal’s michael Thomas scored to dramatically steal the English title from Liverpool with the last kick at anfield in 1989.
Completing a holy trinity of the genre, ‘And Solskjaer has won it,’ intoned Clive Tyldesley as babyfaced manchester united substitute ole Gunnar clinched the Champions League trophy for sir alex Ferguson in 1999.
Tyldesley, of course, was bafflingly demoted as ITv’s lead commentator for Euro 2020 in favour of sam matterface, a man whose maniacal determination to add his own piece of poetic prose to those illustrious predecessors was so achingly obvious in England’s semi-final win over Denmark.
In a performance that instead saw him join a different pantheon of English greats, headed by alan Partridge and richard madeley, matterface lowlights included telling viewers in scotland, Wales and northern
Ireland that England reaching the final was their reward for enduring a terrible 16 months during a deadly global pandemic.
The 43-year-old also urged everyone to take the next day off work while later somehow managing not to notice that injury had reduced Denmark to ten men in extra time.
Yet while many scots cited ITv’s decision to overlook Tyldesley — and his sidekick ally mcCoist — for last night’s big match to switch over to the Beeb, Sportsmail elected to monitor matterface’s latest antics alongside co-commentator Lee Dixon. he did not disappoint as he went straight after his Wolstenholme moment from the very start.
‘I know there are some of you who remember 1966 and hurst, the russian linesman, and nobby stiles dancing in the sun. But for most of us, this is a first. so let that magic soak your spine.’
so far, so contrived. But as Wolstenholme proved with ‘they think it’s all over’ the best commentators deliver the most memorable lines unscripted in the heat of the moment.
and when Luke shaw opened the scoring inside two minutes, matterface declared: ‘If you’re going to come with the nickname shawberto Carlos you might as well live up to it.’
Dare Sportsmail suggest we won’t be hearing that particular piece of erudition on repeat over the next 55 years?
matterface, to his credit, did at least notice this time that Italy had been reduced to ten men when Chelsea’s Jorginho was sidelined temporarily with injury.
But credit where credit’s due. ITv have had a good tournament in the studio with the consummate professional presenter mark Pougatch ably abetted by the passion and insight of Gary neville, the exuberance of Ian Wright and the stern presence of roy Keane to rein both of his fellow pundits in when necessary.
however, for all their pluses, 45 minutes plus stoppage time of matterface was more than enough and it was over to the BBC for the second half.
Just in time for Gary Lineker to uncharacteristically strike a wrong note, ending a report on fans trying to storm their way into Wembley by grinning that he could ‘categorically guarantee’ that he and his studio guests alan shearer, Frank Lampard and rio Ferdinand all had genuine tickets.
In the commentary booth, Guy mowbray is very capable but the Beeb’s main problem is his co-pundit Jermaine Jenas.
The One Show presenter has been heavily criticised during the tournament for his insightfree punditry; in stark contrast to the illuminating comments from Chelsea manager Emma hayes on ITv and former England women’s international alex scott on the BBC.
after a lifetime spent in the
be professional game, Jenas should capable of adding more insight than reacting to a wild effort by Lorenzo Insigne by declaring: ‘It’s not the best shot but I don’t blame him for taking it on
‘he has haacked him down,’ was his expert analysis of Leonardo Bonucci dumping over Raheem sterling.
his declaration that England were in trouble when they lost the first ball at the corner for
Bonucci’s equaliser was yet another statement of the bleeding obvious.
His bizarre likening of defender Kyle Walker to ‘an insurance policy’ because ‘he comes out of nowhere,’ betrayed a basic lack of understanding of how insurance policies work.
But at the end of a long, nervy night, neither Mowbray nor Matterface were able to commentate on a winning goal for England in a major final.
Instead, Gareth Southgate’s side ultimately slumped to a heartbreaking loss to Italy in a penalty shootout with Marcus Rashford, Jadon Sancho and Bukayo Saka the fall guys from the spot.
It was heartbreak for England in a tournament that has so often been a tough watch and listen for Scotland fans tuning into Three Lions matches on BBC and ITV. They think it’s all over? Mercifully, it is now.