AND FINALLY Domestic violence is no joke
I MADE a misjudgement. That’s why I’m flagging an email from Richard J, taking me to task for a sentence in last week’s main reply to ‘Fred’. It said, ‘Your loyal, loving Filipina wife kicked you and threw a vase when she found out about your lying and cheating. Go Mia!’ with no sympathy for that husband.
Richard asks: ‘Are you certain that cheating is something that justifies bringing violence into a relationship?’
Some of you will think he is taking a light-hearted remark too far — but I agree with him. Let Richard explain:
‘I am a male victim of domestic violence. I didn’t cheat. I never would. But my ex-wife believed I deserved it, too. She had mental health issues.
‘In her eyes, that rage — and violence — was deserved. I was a man so it couldn’t be domestic violence, right? Wrong.
‘Unfortunately, too much of society dismisses this violence. It’s seen as a joke. Or an assumption is made that the man “deserved it”. And that perception — promoted by you — helps reassure female offenders that what they are doing is okay.’
I’d like to direct Richard to my column dated March 20, in the Mail Online archive. The letter’s headline said: ‘My son’s wife is a violent, abusive bully’ — and in the reply I tackled this issue, writing, ‘. . . although many more women than men suffer domestic violence, in the year ending March 2019, 4.2 per cent of men aged 16 to 59 years had experienced domestic abuse compared with 8.4 per cent of women (ONS).
‘It may seem surprising . . . that a man (being physically stronger) would allow himself to be on the receiving end of physical violence ... but you have to understand how a person’s mind can be taken over, cowed and damaged by a stronger personality.’
I mentioned, ‘the excellent Mankind Initiative (mankind.
the UK’s principal charity set up to help men escape domestic violence. Their helpline is 01823 334244’. So there you are, Richard. I’m sorry.
Bel answers readers’ questions on emotional and relationship problems each week. Write to Bel Mooney, Scottish Daily Mail, 20 Waterloo Street, Glasgow G2 6DB, or email bel.mooney@dailymail.co.uk. Names are changed to protect identities. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.