How could her dad spend her savings?

DEAR BEL

SINCE our daughter was young, my husband and I have set aside in a bank account some of our earnings, some of hers from her part-time job in a shop and her childhood allowance money.

She’s now 18 and preparing to go to university, so we gave her access to the account.

My husband was very hesitant, and I quickly discovered why. He’s spent almost all the money on Match Attax football cards.

To say I’m livid is an understatement. He says they are his inheritance to her as they ‘will be incredibly valuable by the time I die’ — but the fact he went behind our backs is so crushing.

My daughter has left the house in anger to stay with her boyfriend’s family and I don’t know what to do.

STEPHANIE

DISAPPOINTMENT is one of the worst feelings in the world, especially when it’s a person you thought you knew and loved who is letting you down.

such disillusionment leaves a bitter taste, which doesn’t ever quite go away.

‘How could you do that?’ means ‘How could you be so weak-willed

and selfish and how come I never realised that was within you?’ We’re miserable that our judgement has been called into question.

nothing could make these cards worth the loss of your daughter’s respect for her father. He has been very stupid as well as dishonest, but that doesn’t make him uniquely bad or mad — although I bet he’s been made very sad by realising how dim he has been. Didn’t he think he’d be found out?

He must do whatever it takes to put this right, including selling his precious cards as soon as possible. the value of objects we collect and cherish is never fixed, so it’s deluded to assume growth.

the only thing worth valuing here is the love and respect of his wife

and daughter. In time you will both forgive him — because you must. He’s the flawed human being you share your lives with. But he’d better prove he’s worth it.