Rhyme For Our Time

(With apologies to Joe South, Billy Joe Royal and Lynn Anderson — Rose Garden)

I beg your pardon There never was a party in my back garden, While we worked in the sunshine We had a wee impromptu tipple sometimes.

So I told few fibs, my brain is like a sieve My nose is starting to grow.

I beg your pardon There never was a party in my back garden.

We had leaving dos and bring your own booze But in a global lockdown there’s no precedents Just strictly working events.

We had Axminster stains and body popping sprains But we were a tad fatigued and needed to let off steam

It wasn’t that extreme.

Do Tories party to forget their troubles? Does Peppa Pig like muddy puddles? Come along and raise a glass to the NHS!

I beg your pardon There never was a party in my back garden. While we worked in the sunshine Someone stumbled on a suitcase of wine.

I beg your pardon There never was a party in my back garden.

We had back-slapping praise and wine-time Fridays For the contracts we’d let out with such efficiency

To our mates in the

constituency. But the rottenest thing was when they busted Wilfy’s swing And forgive me, come on, I

said that was a step too far So we went down to the

basement bar. Do Tories party to forget

their troubles? Does Peppa Pig like

muddy puddles? Come along and raise a glass

to the NHS! I beg your pardon There never was a party in

my back garden. When dog Dilyn saw it We found a spiffing way to

help him ignore it. I beg your pardon There never was a party in my back garden.

Carol Smith, turriff, Aberdeenshire.