BELDaily Why will my sister get all my brother’s money?

DEAR BEL,

I AM the eldest of three boys, and one girl. My problem concerns my brother Bill and sister Lucy.

After a tough upbringing, I was the only one to gain any academic success and do well. I think the others were jealous but Lucy was effusive in her praise and I always maintained a good ‘big brother’ relationship with her. Or thought I had.

I was disappointed my other brother and Lucy were estranged from Bill for more than 30 years. Sometimes I suggested they contact one another again — to no effect. Bill used to say he’d phoned them ten years earlier and they didn’t call back.

Though polar opposites, Bill and I were very close as children and teens. That changed during adulthood (we married and followed different careers) but we always stayed in touch.

Bill’s wife died almost three years ago, after a very turbulent halfcentury in which they divorced, then remarried. His wife was instrumental in the purchase of their property and dabbled in stocks and shares, building up a portfolio in the region of £120k. With a bungalow valued at over £400k, the estate left for Bill was not small.

Bill decided I would be his sole beneficiary (they never wanted children) though I suggested he spend the money while he still had the time/good health to enjoy it.

I didn’t think about it again until February of this year, when my sister came to stay with me for a few days.

Lucy had called after Bill’s wife’s death to explain she was distressed at her estrangement from him and wanted my help contacting him again. Wanting us all to be reunited, I ‘worked’ on Bill and he eventually relented. Lucy started to visit him. He started to ‘lend’ her money.

Lucy’s been very profligate all her life, running up enormous sums on credit cards and quarrelling with anybody who tried to advise. When she started visiting Bill her contact with me and our other brother tailed off. Meanwhile, Bill was diagnosed with cancer.

In February Lucy came and told me Bill had changed his will and was going to leave everything to her. I was stunned. She had clearly made up with Bill in the hope of an inheritance.

By the way, even when reunited with him, my sister often told me she didn’t like ‘boring’ Bill. But he was effusive, saying Lucy loved him and had promised to look after him. I emailed Bill after Lucy’s revelation, alerting him to my suspicions about our sister, and suggesting we discuss it. No reply.

Now Bill only has a short time left. Lucy has told our other brother that Bill wants nothing to do with me. So I’m not inclined to attend his funeral, as he didn’t want me and I’d be forced to see Lucy again. I have been betrayed by Bill and Lucy and will never forgive her.

SIMON

Ah, never, never, never, never, never . . . is it? ‘never’ is an eternity, but our poor lives are so short. ‘never’ is a death knell that drowns out, with deafening, doleful booms, the pitiful bleatings of human folly, need, weakness, error.

Your brother Bill will never again have strength and a future, but you are still free to clutch your ‘never forgive’ to your chest as long as you can draw breath with the weight of it.

Tell me, sir, I beg you ... what on earth is the point of all this? Your original email would have filled this entire column, so I know a lot about your family background. You worked hard to overcome a tough childhood and describe problems with your siblings, and a punitive father.

But you also begin by frankly

admitting that the ‘message’ of your long letter is that ‘money is the root of all evil’.

Certainly, of the Seven Deadly Sins, ‘Greed’ (and we can fold ‘avarice’ and ‘covetousness’ into the word) is ultimately a cause of envy, lustfulness, murder and war.

Letters about wills make my heart sink (and while writing this reply another one landed in my inbox, from RW) because they bring out the worst in people. Families can even end up pointlessly wrangling over Mum’s vintage biscuit tin and costume jewellery.

I can see why you are dismayed by what you view as your sister’s cunning deception.

Irresponsible all her life (you explain she has a son she never sees) she moved in on Bill once his canny wife was dead and sweettalked her way into his trust.

The mistake you made was to email Bill accusing Lucy —

because that was only ever going to look like sour grapes because you expected and wanted the inheritance.

It would have been wiser to go and see him, perhaps direct his attention to nephews and nieces, discuss possible charitable donations, and so on.

Too late for that now — but not too late to make your peace with a dying brother. Look at it this way: if you don’t, you are bound to regret it once he is dead. If you do, you will feel a better person.

As for Lucy, if you believe you can’t attend your brother’s funeral without quarrelling with her (this in your uncut letter) then you need to think hard and remember dignity.

Ill-gotten gains will never make her happy and holding the grudge will blight your future.