Burglary trauma’s left me in turmoil

DEAR BEL,

SEVERAL years ago, we were burgled, which was horrible and traumatic.

The impact was severe because I was already stressed — I’d just been made redundant and my darling mother had dementia.

I believe you can make something good out of a bad experience so I became a Victim Support volunteer for many years.

But the fact that my home, my happy place, had been invaded was a violation and made me very anxious about security.

I’m obsessed with making sure that, when we go out, all the windows and doors are locked or double-locked, and the burglar alarm set. My husband has to confirm it’s been done. He is very patient, knows I can’t help it, but it must drive him mad.

Today, I started worrying whether I’d locked the bathroom window and was 99 per cent sure I had, but we had to go back so that I could double-check. Of course, it was locked.

I don’t like being like this, I know it’s irrational, but I can’t seem to stop. Bel, how can I overcome this anxiety? At least I’ve put my problem into words, which is a relief.

GILLY

ANYBODY who has had this experience will sympathise; knowing a stranger has entered your home to burgle you is indeed disturbing and can have a lasting effect.

It sounds as if it was you who urgently needed victim support, but you don’t say whether you received it — just that you gave it. If you haven’t had counselling for your anxiety, it sounds as if you would benefit.

Your fear of being burgled again is not entirely irrational, but to live in a heightened state of anxiety is unhealthy.

Apart from self-analysis, as well as counselling I can only suggest you keep a notebook with a checklist of everything that needs doing before you go out.

If your long-suffering husband then whizzed round to tick them off, he could tell you cheerfully ‘All done!’ and brandish the list.

Something as tangible as that might help.