AN INSPECTOR CALLS

He pays his way... and tells it like it is

THERE’S a lot going on at Ingleside House during our Saturday night stay. Barn Theatre is putting on a production of The Girl On The Train; Teatro restaurant is heaving (‘We can fit you in at 7.45pm because you’re a guest at the hotel’) and a big birthday party is in full swing.

Presiding over all this activity on the outskirts of Cirencester is a local couple, who only added the 11-room hotel to their theatre and restaurant operations last year.

‘Dramatically different’ is the slogan, with the website going on to say that it’s the ‘antithesis of your bland Cotswold country hotel’.

Yes, but I start hankering for the bland when confronted with some of the try-hard decor: the plastic ferns and palms, dispiriting art, clashing colours and general airlessness.

Its best feature is the Georgian hall and staircase — and there’s a pretty courtyard for al fresco eating and drinking in summer.

Our room is called Needham. Strangely, it has frosted windows (which only open a couple of inches), a red velvet headboard and dark green walls.

Beatrice’s line from Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing, ‘There was a star danced, and under that I was born’, is framed and hung above the fireplace but without any attribution.

On the way down to Teatro, we notice that the corridors and staircase are in bad need of a hoovering. For the management not to be on top of this, while charging £200 B&B for some stays, is a poor oversight.

We enjoy our dinner, seated at a blackand-white chessboard table.

But the three paintings of feathers with streaks of orange are grim and we feel sorry for the cheery staff who try to avoid banging their heads on the silly lights hanging from the low ceiling.

Next morning, while checking out, we ask the taciturn receptionist about the recent history of the Grade IIlisted house.

She says that at one time it was a private school but beyond that she hasn’t a clue.

Ingleside House 5 Beeches Rd, Cirencester GL7 1BN Tel: 01285 648230 inglesidehouse.co.uk Doubles from £80

★★✩✩✩