SHED ANXIETY: STROKE IT OFF
A CALM mind is much more open to positive thinking — something that anxiety is very good at blocking. That’s why I’m such a fan of a brilliant technique called Havening — based on the idea of a ‘safe haven’ — another psycho-sensory therapy that uses simple touch to soothe the body and mind. It’s one of the quickest, most effective techniques I know for instantly reducing stress and anxiety. Indeed, I used it myself some years ago when I went through a relationship break-up and was in terrible emotional pain. Vivid images of my now ex-girlfriend’s face kept coming into my mind as I experienced awful feelings of loss, betrayal and upset. Havening works by simulating the way your mother comforted you as a baby, when she cradled you in her arms. The soothing action of being held becomes hard-wired into all infants. This technique is not merely a distraction — studies have shown that when we use Havening we reduce stress chemicals in our body and change the way our brain processes thoughts and feelings. I used Havening to help me de-link thoughts of my old relationship from the difficult feelings I was experiencing. The large colour picture I’d had of my ex-girlfriend shrank to the size of a postage stamp, was drained of all colour and I gained the freedom of indifference. That was more than a decade ago now and I continue to consider Havening to be the granddaddy of all the psychosensory techniques. Now, I’d like you to give it a try.
PLEASE read through the following exercise before you do it.
You should practise this sequence of eye movements, body touches and visualisations several times until you know it off by heart. Then you will be able to use it anytime you need to get rid of unhappy feelings and swiftly feel calm and relaxed. 1 Pay attention to any stress or traumatic memory you wish to re-code and notice what it looks like in your imagination and how stressful it feels. Now, rate its strength on a scale of one to ten, where ten is the most powerful and one is the least. This is important as it lets you measure how much you are reducing it. 2 Now, clear your mind, or just think about or imagine something nice. 3 Stroke your forehead and the cheeks of your face repeatedly [see image, right]. 4 Now, stroke your hands down the sides of your arms, from the top of your shoulders down to your elbows, and keep doing this downward stroking motion, again and again, throughout this process [see image, far right]. 5 As you carry on stroking the sides of your arms, imagine you are walking on a beautiful beach. With each footstep you take in the sand, count out loud from one to 20. 6 Still stroking the sides of your arms, imagine you are walking outside in a beautiful garden. With each footstep you take in the grass, count out loud from one to 20. 7 Now, open your eyes and check how you feel on your scale from one to ten. How much lower is the stress level now? If it is way down the bottom of the scale, congratulations — you have personally changed your own state. If you think that the unhappy feeling is not yet reduced enough, just repeat the Havening sequence until it is reduced as far as you want.
Many people experience remarkable positive changes immediately after a Havening session. However, even if you are one of those people, I recommend you do this Havening exercise as often as you want.
YOU should now be feeling significantly calmer with more emotional equilibrium when you think about things that are challenging you. Practise these techniques as often as you feel you need to, until they become second nature. Some people will find they get instant and dramatic results.
Others might feel a little calmer at first, noticing an improvement every time they repeat an exercise. Some might only notice a marked improvement after a week . . . but trust me, those feelings of peace and calm will come.