Time to pull the plug on mirth-free telly dross
Ooh the Banter (BBC1) ★★★✩✩
Queen of the New Year (BBC1) ★✩✩✩✩
First Footing (BBC Scotland) ★✩✩✩✩
Hogmanay 2022 (BBC1) ★★✩✩✩
Bringing in the Bells (STV) ★★✩✩✩
SCOTS had the chance to welcome in 2023 with a bang at large-scale events for the first time in three years on Old Year’s Night. Those stuck at home, however, were nowhere near as lucky.
They were left wondering what on earth they did to be saddled with the scheduling elephant’s graveyard that passes for Hogmanay TV these days.
To add insult to injury, some bright spark at BBC Scotland even decided it would be a good idea to mark the Beeb’s centenary year by having Scot Squad’s Jack Docherty front a show celebrating our greatest export – our sense of humour.
This he duly did in Ooh the Banter, the only highlight of the entire night, which introduced classic clips from the BBC comedy archives featuring the likes of Stanley Baxter, City Lights, Rab C, Chewing The Fat, Limmy et al in a loose attempt to explain why we punch above our weight in the laughter stakes.
The end result was like watching Hogmanay Bullseye, only with Docherty standing in for Jim Bowen, to show viewers what they could have won, leaving them mourning the days when sitting in front of the telly on Hogmanay was a treat.
Having spent an hour being shown just how funny we can be, it was then the turn of Greg Hemphill and Burnistoun’s Robert Florence to set about disproving the theory altogether with Queen of the New Year, a damp squib of a sketch show with nary a laugh to be had.
That was Queen of the New Year’s second Hogmanay airing. Surely there won’t be a third.
Over on the Scotland channel, expectations were high for comedy whodunit First Footing, written and directed by TikTok star Paul Black. Sadly, this tale about the theft of a karaoke competition prize money was also a laughter-free zone.
And the real whodunit was who at the Beeb saw fit to commission such a lame duck after reading the script.
AS for the pre-recorded festivities to usher in New Year itself, the Battle of the Bells between the BBC and STV turned out to be a bore-draw, with both opting to stick to the bland formats of previous years.
So Hogmanay 2022, fronted by Edith Bowman, offered up banal celebrity chit-chat. Guests included Joy McAvoy from Two Doors Down, Commonwealth Games 10,000m winner Eilish McColgan and curling star Eve Muirhead (whose party piece playing the pipes while Bowman attempted to sword dance around two toy light-sabres was the night’s most surreal moment).
This was interspersed with a top turn from musical guest star Lewis Capaldi. Don’t get me wrong, Capaldi seems like a good bloke and is an undisputed Scottish superstar. But his heartwrenching ballads are hardly the sort of tunes to start a party.
Meanwhile, switching over to STV, we were, ahem, treated to Lorraine Kelly hosting Bringing in the Bells.
Here, an assortment of well kent Scottish faces, including Sanjeev Kohli, Jane McCarry (Isa from Still Game), Scot Squad and Two Doors Down star Grado, Judy Murray and Eilish McColgan again (only this time with her mum Liz in tow) took a look back at the major events of 2022.
STV presenters Laura Boyd and Sean the weatherman helped boil down those so-called highlights to Sam Ryder coming second in Eurovision, the Wagatha Christie trial and the end of Neighbours. They did at least manage to shoehorn in the Queen’s passing. They then threw in an internet horse and the end of 2022 couldn’t come quickly enough for me.
Amid this crucible of low-lights, I wondered would news anchorman John Mackay have also ignored the Ukraine invasion or Argentina winning an unusual winter World Cup? I think not.