How you can grow old — disgracefully
How helpful it would be if you could get some preparation for finding your mojo in later life. There’s no handy booklet called Teach Yourself how To Be old; you have to make your own way through the geriatric ups and downs. we oldies often have to face being considered as past it, out of date or old-fashioned. It takes patience and hard fact-facing to accept your new status in the world and to see it as a good thing. That’s a social matter. where problems really strike is at home. suddenly, you don’t feel safe climbing a ladder or standing on a box to get something down from a shelf. a kettle full of boiling water to pour into a teapot is not just promising a welcome cuppa, it’s also threatening danger. as are pavements shimmering with frost. Rugs are a minefield, stairs can be lethal. If you are with affectionate relatives, awareness of these dangers is particularly striking. I am 95 and have lived with my younger daughter, Constance, and her husband, mike, for four years, ever since I woke up one morning in my flat in Cortona, Tuscany, and couldn’t get out of bed. Constance arrived the next morning and within five days my life as an independent widow was over and I was in an air ambulance to London. everything changed. I’m no longer head of a household. I don’t manage every detail of my affairs, though I do judge and give consent (or not). my friends and acquaintances have been left behind. I’ve had to abandon a lot of my childhood possessions. This would be horribly sad if there weren’t some things that are so cheering: the generosity of my family in taking me in; arriving here just before Covid; and the funny events connected with the physical difficulties of old age. There was the time I got on the floor to retrieve something I had dropped, couldn’t get up again and had to shout for help. The three of us ended up doing a sort of waltz for several minutes, convulsed with laughter, before I was heaved back onto my bed. whenever I put on tights, it takes 15 minutes to get my second foot into the empty leg. minor mishaps with earrings and zips can be entertaining if you don’t persist in gloomily remembering how easily you dealt with them decades ago. a good rule is: don’t do anything in a hurry. Be prepared to take at least twice the time you used to. Perhaps that is how our much-needed old age booklet writer should start.
Zelda Craig, London W12.