Should I contest Mother’s will?
DEAR BEL,
MY MOTHER has just passed away after a dreadful 18 months in a care home. I never had a close relationship with her as I was an ‘unwanted’ baby and (at 11) virtually ceased to exist for my parents when my brother was born.
My parents and my brother moved to Ireland when I was 16. I was in regular contact with Mother by phone until she went into the home, but didn’t visit as my own health isn’t good and I felt she didn’t really like me.
I’m writing because Mother left me her jewellery (apparently worth about £5,000) and the rest of her estate — worth about £400,000 — to my brother. I realise my brother and his wife do probably deserve more as they lived nearby and looked after her but once again it feels like a kick in the teeth.
My father died two years ago and left the majority of his estate to a woman who lived 50 miles away. He stated in his will that my brother was not to get anything as he’d had enough over the years.
I don’t like feeling this but I’m depressed about the way they have all treated me over the years. The worst thing is my brother hasn’t said he doesn’t think the will is fair or that he’ll make sure I’m treated fairly. I can’t get past this feeling and regret not challenging my father’s will. So I’m considering challenging my mother’s.
BRIDGET
You express a lifetime of sadness at the lack of love in your family life. But the fact that your father willed his money away (why?) and left out your brother perhaps indicates a degree of dysfunction beyond your own problem.
In life you repaid what you saw as your mother’s lack of interest in you with a reciprocal lack of affection, and now in death you bitterly resent the terms of her will. Sadder and sadder.
It is good that you acknowledge the constant attention and care your brother and his wife gave to your mother, and most people reading this will probably agree with you that they deserved to be ‘rewarded’. You say nothing about whether your mother had any grandchildren, which would also (perhaps) affect her decisions concerning legacy.
Does your brother judge you for your neglect (as he’d see it) of your mother as she aged? Have you ever talked to him about your feelings? Are you in a position where a sum of money from the estate would make a real difference to your life?
The wisest course may be to have a serious conversation with him so you can explain about past, present and future. Then see what he says. Won’t challenging the will just bring more unhappiness?