How can we help those who suffered like me?

you. Yes, you. Because in the words of a profound French thinker, Christian Bobin (19512022): ‘These people wounded in soul and body possess a grandeur, which those who carry all before them will never attain to.’

I dislike the glibness of saying good comes out of suffering, and tell you honestly I possess no magic wand, no ‘answers’, yet I’ll suggest your own life, for all its pain and the destruction you endured and inflicted, can offer just one of the answers you are seeking.

You are honest about the past. When possible, you apologise to people you hurt along the way. You have forgiven your parents but also admit you need their forgiveness, too. In that, you offer all our readers an important lesson.

Then, you acknowledge the damaged child still inside you, yet do not pity that ‘petrified little boy’ — for that would be to lock him within a cycle of pain and blame. Instead you hold out your hand to that bewildered soul and walk forward, acknowledging and accepting, and taking full responsibility for past, present and future. I find, within your email, great kindness towards yourself and others.

This is vital, because to move forward with our lives, we have to swap resentment and self-pity for quiet acceptance of what we’ve done and justifiable pride in how far we’ve been willing to change.

I admire how you have rebuilt your own life in spite of everything that happened, and the resilience within your words. Your head is high and you look forward.

In that, George, even though you can’t change the world, you have presented me with one of those essential, elusive ‘answers’ we all long for. Thank you.

‘May we raise children who love the unloved things — the dandelion, the worms & spiderlings. Children who sense the rose needs the thorn . . .’

Nicolette Sowder (American poet and educationalist)