A lady at leisure
Animals? Magic! Tell the cameraman to pack up and go home...
Isee a certain magazine not dissimilar to this one, but not nearly in the same league of course, has just announced that it has found Britain’s naughtiest dog. Rabbit is a black, hairy terrier-type and sits grandly on the front cover. Like all canine deceivers, he looks like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, although it appears that several hundred other items have indeed melted away between his uncontrollable little jaws.
We did not enter our own Naughties for the competition. Had we done so, I very much think one of them might have been in the running for the title. The list of wounded this week in the MacGregor house includes yet another woollen jersey and a king-sized feather-filled duvet, while the Missing In Action counts a large furry slipper and one of the chief ’s best leather brogues. They will turn up somewhere, some day – no doubt when I am digging in the rhododendron border. Animals! Who would have anything to do with them?
And so it is that I am up at dawn, vainly searching for an increasingly rare bird. It is the black grouse and we are making a film about worryingly declining numbers. As the sun comes up over a frosted Scottish Borders glen, we stamp our numb feet and blow on frozen fingers.
Then we spot something small and dark moving on the edge of the heather line. We can clearly see its trademark white tail through the binoculars, but the camera is 200 yards away and does not have a telescopic lens. This does not bode too well for pictures.
But at least a black grouse has been spotted, albeit off in the distance, for nature is not kind to those who wish to capture it on camera. I remember the time we set out to make a film on red squirrels. Over the course of three days, not one endearing chestnut-coloured tree rat did we see. After we crossly took our tripods and lenses away, the forest was apparently hoachin’ with them.
There were also the badger days, where the only striped creature we found was lying stiffly in a chest freezer. The poor thing had been run over and was being preserved before being sent off for tests. Then there are the fishing films. If you want to guarantee water devoid of trout, salmon or even a tiny tadpole, ask a TV camera crew to come and spend a day with you. Yes, if you want a blank day, just invite the cameras down to the river.
It has been a long time in the recognising, but if you want the big picture, it is better not to plan but to allow nature to take its course. Unforgettable moments happen when least expected. This month, for instance, two large peacocks suddenly emerged from a hedge to display their glorious feathers when I pulled off the motorway. Later, as dusk began to fall, a family of engaging orange-beaked oystercatchers marched triumphantly past my hotel window. Of course, there was no camera in sight, so both colourful scenes went completely unrecorded.
The MacGregor has it right when it comes to his photography: generally no animals, certainly no children, and preferably no humans. Mountains that do not move, vales that do not vanish, and rocks that do not answer back make for happy photographic subjects. There are those chiefs and castles that he captures on camera from time to time, but his favourite is the great wild landscape world.
But enough of romance. You must excuse me, I have to go and check on those naughty dogs…
‘If you want the big picture, it is better not to plan, but to allow nature to take its course’