NO GO GADGETS

Suitably baffled by the latest technology on the market, Alan Cochrane wonders how long it will be before the dreaded smart meter upsets domestic bliss

Alan Cochrane bemoans the many pitfalls of modern technology

The startlingly speedy advance of new technology is something that Luddites, like this one, have great trouble in keeping pace with. More often than not I shake my head in wonder when some new improvement is announced – especially when I know I’m going to have to try and master it.

Totally puzzling, however, is the fuss about Huawei getting involved with the ‘next generation communications structure’ – or 5G for short. At times it seems if we don’t sign up for this Chinese wizardry we’ll all be plunged back into the age of semaphore for contacting each other. And here’s me wondering what ‘G’ this phone sitting next to me has – is it 1, 2, 3 or 4? Is it shameful not to have the latest version which, in my daughters’ view, is always a ‘must’?

I will confess to being completely flummoxed at present by having had my mobile phone stolen – yes, it’s possible I lost it – and now not being able to recognise any of the numbers of callers. Isn’t it strange how some people appear quite annoyed when you ask them to identify themselves on leaving a text? How apparently some people feel slightly insulted when their number isn’t well known?

As for saving things to the ‘Cloud’; that’s in the same league as ‘downloading apps’ – it can only be done when my daughters are at home to show me how it’s done.

However, I’ve recently come across two new bits of kit which take my technological incredulity to new heights. The first concerned the esteemed editor of this publication who had reason to deliver something of a verbal dressing-down to a regular contributor whose article was overdue. (And no, it wasn’t me!)

Imagine his surprise, then, when he next had a conversation with said contributor and heard his somewhat fruity tirade played back to him. His ire had long since disappeared and it was somewhat embarrassing for the great man to be reminded of his words. Apparently, there’s an ‘app’ which records all conversations. He didn’t know that. Did you?

The other gizmo I’ve recently taken possession of is a credit-card sized screen called a smart meter. In exchange for a favourable rate from my energy supplier I agreed to have my gas and electricity meters swapped for this little device.

And very nice and modern it looks, too. Except for one thing; the extremely efficient man who took down my existing meters and wired up the new ones to this little screen had some sobering thoughts to share with me.

In something resembling a conspiratorial whisper he issued a sombre warning. It seems that because you can actually read how much energy your home is using – in pounds and pence – the smart meters have become something of a problem in even the best-ordered of households.

They are said to be so accurate that they really do tell you how much your bill is going to be. But much more than that they itemise how quickly and by how much your bill is soaring.

‘You can even see how much it costs to switch the kettle on to make a cup of tea,’ I was told.

My informant also joked – or at least I think he was joking – that far from making domestic life easier, the smart meters are causing serious trouble within families with the economyminded rushing around to switch things off when they see the screens showing alarming increases in cost.

So much so, he claimed, that instead of leaving the meters sitting on a mantelpiece or shelf where they’re clearly visible, many families are shoving them in drawers or behind cushions where they can’t cause arguments.

This is a complete negation of what successive governments and the energy companies had in mind for smart meters – advising people how much gas and electricity they’re using as they use it and perhaps helping them to make savings.

But as with so much of the technological advances we’re faced with these days, there’s often an unintended downside – in this case these new meters appear to be a major threat to domestic bliss.

Our smart meter is still in full view. I wonder how long that will last.

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Smart meters have become a problem in even the best-ordered of households