ASK THE EXPERTS
TURCAN CONNELL’S LINDSEY OGILVIE JOINS US TO ANSWER A QUESTION ABOUT MANAGING A SEPARATION WITH CHILDREN
WHAT IS THE IMPACT OF SEPARATION ON CHILDREN?
ANSWER: Unfortunately as we head into winter there is a continuing worry regarding local lockdowns. Sadly one of the many difficulties posed by lockdown is marital strain which impacts all too heavily upon children. Children too often find themselves piggy in the middle of warring parents who may be so entrenched in their views as to how best to care for the child that they forget or at least seriously underestimate the impact upon the child of their conduct.
The current terminology dictated by statute likely does not assist. Lawyers are required to deal with the concept of a child being ‘resident’ with one parent and having ‘contact’ with the other. Whilst neither confers upon the parent in question greater/lesser importance legally, psychologically these terms can create an imbalance where the ‘resident’ parent may be mistakenly of the view that they are able to dictate terms to the other.
The primary focus for professionals helping a parent through separation is to encourage the parents to agree the practical arrangements in relation to their children as it generally follows that parents who can agree their own arrangements (rather than having them unilaterally imposed by a court) are more likely to abide by them.
The earlier parents can put such arrangements in place the better in terms of positively laying the foundations for dialogue between them going forward. Separation is a thread that continues to weave and produce challenges throughout a child’s life. Parents should look to the future and ask themselves how they want their child’s graduation or wedding to be.
If agreement is simply not possible then the courts can be invited to resolve the matter. When considering any matter relating to children, the court must have the welfare of the child concerned as its paramount consideration and shall not make an order unless it considers that it is absolutely necessary.