NO PLEASURE WITHOUT PAIN
The hands of time may not always be kind, but no aches or pains will stop Fiona Armstrong from fetching the chief his chocolate fix
Aches and pains are a daily battle, but nothing will get between Fiona Armstrong and chocolate
Spring may be on the way, but we are feeling somewhat sorry for ourselves here at Armstrong MacGregor Towers. And no, this is nothing to do with the ‘Covid situation’, although that doesn’t help, to be sure.
The problem is that the chief is nursing a sore knee while I am battling a bad back. What a couple of old crocks we are.
The cause of his discomfort is simple. He has been over-running and has done something to a joint. There has been too much pounding up and down the valley and at his age it has to stop.
For my part, the pain comes from something rather less adventurous. In my case it is a story of the box set and the chocolate orange.
This is how it goes. We are half-way through watching ‘The Queen’s Gambit’ (do try and catch it), a compelling drama set in the 1950s and ‘60s which features an orphaned chess prodigy. This is a girl who takes on the might of the chillingly competitive chess world. She is a steely teenager who faces off to ruthless Russian champions while battling drink and addiction demons.
We are into episode six and the tension is rising, so much so that when the chief asks if we have any chocolate, I shake my head distractedly. Then I take pity on my famously sweet-toothed man and remember the chocolate orange that came in the toe of the Christmas stocking, which is upstairs in the bedroom.
I race off to find it. Then, clutching the thing, I race back down so as not to miss the next dramatic scene and, before you know it, there I am – slipping on the stair carpet in my socks and now lying at the bottom in the hall. I pick myself up and hobble back to the sofa. I am down but not out – and the MacGregor gets his choccie ration.
And that, dear reader, would have been the end of it. Back muscles would have healed. Dignity would have been restored. Yes, that would have been it had I not seen more stars a couple of days later. This time I am out walking the MacNaughties down the drive when I slip on a patch of black ice. Down I go again. Ouch.
A month on and the chief ’s leg is slightly better. He talks of restarting the running when the weather improves. But I, sadly, am still pretty sore.
‘Well, go and see the doctor!’ I hear you shout. And I will, although this is not the best time to be bothering the NHS.
A back is a big bore. Eight out ten of us will have some sort of problem with it during our lives. Indeed, back pain is one of the biggest causes of absence from work with millions of days lost each year.
Cup half full, at least there is now an excuse not to do the morning exercises. Twenty sit ups, twenty press-ups (well cheat’s press-ups from the knees). Twenty touch toes and twenty squats. All workouts have stopped. As has the swimming and the general charging round.
With the ground frozen it is impossible to dig, not that I could do much damage with a spade at this precise point in time…
It will pass. This morning things felt a wee bit better. But it’s a lesson. One slip and that could be it. So, whatever you are doing to while away these trying hours, as those wise Geordies would say, g’an canny hinny…
Oh, and lay off the chocolate and go easy on the box sets…
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At least there is now an excuse not to do the morning exercises