Hospice ‘felt like home to us’
All areas: Widow opens up on partner's end-of-life care
Reporter spoke to Jess Seymour about the role Thames Hospice played in supporting her husband with end-of-life care.
You might not know it, but this week is Dying Matters Awareness Week.
The week is a hospice initiative aimed at encouraging people to talk more openly about death.
To mark this week, the Advertiser spoke to Jess Seymour, 37, on her and her husband Matt’s experience with end-of-life care.
Matt died at Thames Hospice last year – aged 36.
It was love at first sight for Matt and Jess when they met in 2017, and just five months after meeting they bought a home together.
“When I met him I knew he was the one – which does sound mad looking back,” said Jess. “It was the perfect relationship really.
“We loved being outdoors. I got Matt into paddleboarding and we were going out every week – I think we’ve got five boards in the garage now.”
But in early 2022 – with new-born son Elijah just five months old – Matt was diagnosed with cancer.
He had been experiencing stomach pains which doctors initially believed was pancreatitis but re-diagnosed as tumours around his vital organs.
“With cancer, it doesn’t discriminate – there’s all the stuff in the media about what you need to do to stay healthy, but Matt barely drank,” said Jess.
“In his instance it was completely out of the blue.”
After four rounds of chemotherapy at Frimley Park Hospital, Matt and Jess were told his cancer was in remission and he returned home.
Just months later, they were back in hospital as Matt’s cancer had come back – now in his brain.
Chemotherapy was no longer helping and the cancer was becoming more aggressive.
Doctors told Jess and Matt his condition was now incurable.
“It was such a short time between – what we call – cancer one and cancer two.
“He just didn’t have time to recover, his body was just absolutely knackered.” Jess said.
The couple moved back home and Jess became his main caregiver.
Matt was now very weak and unable to walk up stairs without Jess’s help – often needing her to carry him.
After a surprise visit from a Thames Hospice representative, who explained what care the hospice could give, Matt agreed to move to the hospice.
When Matt moved to the hospice’s inpatient unit into a room overlooking Bray Lake, Jess was on crutches having injured her back helping to carry him.
She described the care he received as ‘life-changing’.
One evening, the hospice arranged for the head chef of the Michelin-starred Hinds Head pub in Bray to cook them both a steak dinner.
Matt and Jess wore the same outfits they had on for their first date.
“We had that room overlooking the lake and it couldn’t have been more perfect," she said.
“We loved paddle-boarding so much and you could roll out of bed to see the lake with people on their paddleboards and kayaking, and seeing the sunset there every day.”
As Matt's condition worsened staff moved another bed into the room and connected it to Matt’s so the couple could lie next to each other.
And when Matt died, Jess was lying next to him – holding his hand.
“When he did go it was very difficult – knowing you can’t do anything,” she said. “He pulled me in and I was just hugging into his neck.
“The fact I could do that because they’d pushed the bed next to him was lifechanging because that was what he wanted.
“He wanted me to be there and as hard as that was for me – the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through – I knew that was what he wanted.”
Matt was in hospice’s care for three weeks but the support he, Jess and their families received made a huge impression.
Jess said: “It’s not clinical – it feels like a home away from home.
“It didn’t dawn on me until Matt died that actually, a lot of other people have died in that room.
“It was only when I got to the hospice I realised – that [being a main caregiver] is not my role, I need to be there for him emotionally.
“You should have that quality time to have those important conversations because soon you’re not going to have the chance.”
She said she was now very set on raising awareness for the hospice and its work.
“It is there for younger people – there are rising cases of cancer in young people and knowing that option is there for hospice care is so important for people to know about.
“If I’d had someone tell me what I knew now – if I’d known all of this – we probably would have had the plan to go in there sooner.
“We were very lucky to come across it and the moment that Matt died, to know he was comfortable being there was the most important thing in the world.”
Jess said she had bought Elijah a lifejacket and planned for the two of them to go paddleboarding on Bray Lake in the future.