Postpartum psychosis: Cardiff mum opens up about mental illness
WE’RE meant to think of it as a time of unbridled happiness and perfection.
But the idealised portrayal of new parenthood is often far from the reality for many women.
The often-taboo subject of postpartum psychosis suffered by some new mums is the focus of a major storyline in EastEnders.
And mum Charlotte Harding, who has talked about her battle with the condition in her blog, Recovery Mummy Cardiff, hopes the soap can portray it sympathetically and truthfully.
The serious mental illness is caused by the sudden onset of psychotic symptoms following childbirth. It is thought to affect around one in every 1,000 women who give birth.
The EastEnders’ character Stacey Branning, diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2009, developed the condition after giving birth to her baby Arthur and has been suffering from severe paranoia and hallucinations.
Other symptoms can include confusion, mood swings, delusions, irrationality and feeling suspicious of others. As Charlotte says, its effects can be absolutely terrifying.
Mother-of-two Charlotte, 29, from Cardiff, developed anorexia nervosa at the age of 15, and suffered with the condition for about eight years. She also started drinking, because the booze would stop her hunger pangs.
At 17 Charlotte was drinking heavily, waking up with one cup of tea, and then surviving the rest of the day on wine, martini, and cider and blacks.
Her alcoholism continued for several years. By the age of 20 she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder – and became pregnant.
She said: “I don’t like to talk about it much but I was diagnosed bipolar when I was 20 and was considered at high risk when I fell pregnant, so had to be under consultant-led care throughout.
“When I fell pregnant with my first child I was over the moon. My moods were great and I finally felt like a new person. I was sober, happy and about to be a mum – what more could I ask for?”
However, following a traumatic and painful birth, which included having a postpartum haemorrhage, Charlotte stopped taking her bipolar medication and developed postpartum psychosis.
“At first I started to think that people were talking about me, whispering and saying I was going to fail my son and that I didn’t deserve my baby,” Charlotte said.
“I tried to ignore it but, as time went on, this paranoia got worse. I kept it hidden from everyone. I was starting to think someone wanted to hurt me.
“I would try to hold my son close and feed him and give him lots of cuddles but my baby would just look at me as if to say he didn’t like me. That sounds so crazy now but at the time I thought my son hated me. I felt like he didn’t need my protection, I would only end up letting him down.”
After two years of being sober Charlotte started to drink heavily again, as a way of dealing with her postpartum psychosis.
“I felt good drinking, I felt free of the responsibility as a mother. In fact I forgot I even had a son, partner or home – I was delusional. Whenever I got out I would run away, stay out for days at a time drinking, forgetting and acting like a completely different person. I thought my phone was a tracking device and microphone that was recording all of my movements, so one night I chucked it in the bin.
“When I was at home I would have crying fits and rage. I would feel so guilty for not wanting to be around my family that I started to self -harm.
“I told my partner that the radio was talking to me, saying that I shouldn’t trust anyone and they were all trying to harm me and my baby.
“My husband tried to give me my medication but I thought he was a bad guy and would spit them away.
“I started to see a little