Take care not to constantly put others’ needs above yours

ARE you a people pleaser?

Balancing our own needs with the needs of others is important for happy, healthy relationships.

Striking this balance can be particularly tricky if you’re a people pleaser; someone who goes out of their way to make other people happy, even at the expense of their own wellbeing.

Of course, keeping other people happy serves many social functions: it can maintain good will, positive regard, strengthen bonds and make people more inclined to step in and help out when you’re the one in need.

However if the balance tips so far that you’re regularly subverting your own needs for the needs of others, you could be putting your own wellbeing at risk.

People may start taking advantage of you, you may find that you end up sacrificing your own goals and resentment towards other people builds.

Over time, you may come to believe that other people are inherently more worthy than you and before you know it, your self-esteem plummets.

Common signs that you’re a people pleaser include pretending to agree with other people and acting like others around you. People pleasing often stems from a need to be accepted so being a social chameleon could reflect this underlying desire to be liked.

Other signs include finding it hard to say no to requests, feeling very uncomfortable when someone expresses displeasure towards you and going to great lengths to avoid conflict.

Learning to say no to other people and prioritising your own needs can be a long journey for habitual people pleasers but it’s important to start redressing the balance.

It can be helpful to spend some time figuring out whether people pleasing has become an issue in particular relationships.

All relationships require give and take. If you’re in a relationship where the other person is doing the lion’s share of the taking and very little Even people pleasers are allowed to say no giving, then that’s likely a good place to start making some changes.

If saying no to requests outright seems too difficult at first, try saying “I’ll think about it.”

Stalling in this way means you won’t automatically overcommit yourself under pressure and gives you time to consider the pros and cons of complying with the request.

Finally, set aside time to work towards a goal or achievement that is just for you. It could be learning a new skill or throwing yourself into a project, hobby or interest.

Doing something for yourself can help build self-confidence without looking to others for confirmation of your own self-worth.

Dr Ellie Milby is a counselling psychologist